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Thread: Bobs' Funnies,for the jokes both old and new

  1. #316
    Senior Member GNASHER's Avatar
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    Tara for a bit.

  2. #317
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    I thought I had an HDTV. Then I realised I was looking out the window

  3. #318
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    I missed my bus this morning.

    I really shouldn't get so sentimental about public transport.

  4. #319
    George
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    This bloke ends up in hell fo his nasty ways on earth.
    He enters the dungeon of pain and suffering,the devil greets him and says there's only three choices for you m'lad.
    The devil opens the first door and they're both faced with blokes hanging on the wall with little imps firing staples fom lazzy bands at the blokes on the wall.

    The devil opens the second door and there's more blokes hangin on the wall but this time the little imps are probing the blokes with hot needles.

    The devil opens the third door and there's more blokes,but these blokes are standing in sh*t up to their shoulders drinking tea.

    The devil turns to the bloke and says which dungeon do you want to spend eternity in?

    The bloke says to the devil...Number 3 but can I hjust have a peek at number 1 again just so's I can make me mind up.

    The devil agree's and opens door1 and the bloke takes a look in,the guy nearest hangin to the door shouts..."Have you chosen your fate mate",the bloke says yeah I'm goin for the cushy number 3,the guy hangin on the wall says Eck! mate you in deep sh*t...the bloke says I know but at least we drrink tea.

    The devil shouts thats enough and ushers the bloke down to number 3,pushes him in and shouts..."Rght you lot Tea breaks over get back to standing on your heads.".


  5. #320
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    Ha, nice one George.

  6. #321
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    I saw a woman crying earlier and so I asked her why she was upset, to which she replied, "I'm just so sick of people using bad grammar."

    I sat beside her and comforted her by saying, "They're their."

  7. #322
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    The train dropped me off right outside my house today.

    I'm going to pull the emergency handle more often in the future.

  8. #323
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    I have a slight addiction to ale.

    But it's only mild.

  9. #324
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    I thought I found a mass Snowman Grave the other day,

    Turns out its just a field of carrots.

  10. #325
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    I went to the zoo recently. I think it's about time someone told the meerkats that everything's fine.


  11. #326
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    Just started dating a new girl. Her sex is brilliant. She's even starred in several porn films.

    I just haven't told her yet.

  12. #327
    George
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    I had a fart in the bath last night...I asked him what the bloody hell he was doing in my house.

  13. #328
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by George View Post
    I had a fart in the bath last night...I asked him what the bloody hell he was doing in my house.
    Ha, love it George...

  14. #329
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    I was sat in court, finalising the divorce when the judge says .. 'Mr Smith, I've decided to award your wife, £1000 per month ... What do you say to that?' ...

    'That's very kind of you and I'll see if I can chip in a few quid myself'

  15. #330
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    When I was younger my Uncle was the worst ventriloquist ever.

    He used to sit me on his knee, stick his fingers up my ass but never said anything.

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