The Mudmen Code,a potty history of Garston

[brian daley]

The Norris family(a.k.a. Norrys and Norries) resided at Speke Hall and became influential within the Borough of Liverpool. the land upon which the estate is built was donated to Liverpool council in 1920 by Lord Derby(relation) and was ,indeed, named after the Liverpool Norris's. But remember,all the rest is just whiff'n'spoof.

[Paddy]

Speke Hall is haunted evenso

[captain kong]

The Secret Societies have been present in the history of man for a very long time. It all started thousands of years ago with the "Brotherhood of the Sumerian Mud,? a secret society set up by an alien named Ea or Enki. This story is very carefully told in the Sumerian scriptures, which go back at least 6000 years. There it says man was created by draconian aliens, who came to this planet to exploit its resources - especially the Mud. But the work was heavy, so the alien race wanted someone else to do the hard work. Thus Ea, who was a brilliant scientist, created homo sapiens as a hybrid between a primitive earth life-form and the alien race. These images made from the Sumerian Mud were living breathing creatures in the likeness of man. These were made from the Mud in the shape of a man.and brought to life. They were know as Golem.
In the 1st Century AD all the Sumerian Mud had been used up. The whole area had been returned to the desert.. There was nothuing left, civilisation as they knew it was also drying up.
Other sources say once the golem had been physically made one needed to write the letters aleph, mem, tav, which is emet and means "truth," on the golem's forehead and the golem would come alive. Erase the aleph and you are left with mem and tav, which is met, meaning "death."
Often in Ashkenazi Hasidic lore, the golem would come to life and serve his creators by doing tasks assigned to him. The most well-known story of the golem is connected to Rabbi Judah Loew ben Bezalel, the Maharal of Prague (1513-1609). It was said that he created a golem out of The Mud to protect the Jewish community from Blood Libel and to help out doing physical labour, since Golems were very strong.
Again the Mud from which these Golems were made were drying up and there was a crisis in the world, the likes of which have never been seen, since until we had the Credit Crunch in September in the year 2008.
. Another version says it was close to Easter, in the spring of 1580 and a Jew-hating priest was trying to incite the Christians against the Jews. So the golem protected the community during the Easter season. Both versions recall the golem running amok and threatening innocent lives. A separate account has the golem going mad and running away. Several sources attribute the story to Rabbi Elijah of Chelm, saying Rabbi Loew, one of the most outstanding Jewish scholars of the sixteenth century who wrote numerous books on Jewish law, philosophy, and morality, would have actually opposed the creation of a golem unless it was made from Ye Gerston Mud, the only supply left in the known three corners of the world.
Ye Gerston Mud had been in popular use for the last few centuries since 48 AD when the Romans exploited it and Kee Ghan operated the Mud fields on a three shift system to maintain the heavy demand for it. The Gerston Mud was now the only place left in the three corners of ye known worlde.
Mean while the scholars and scientists of the time made the discovery of the manufacture of the special bricks, also if taken as a medicine, one spoonful each morning and evening, cured the extreme flatulence that was prevalent at the time due to the over indulgence of the ruling classes at the expence of ye peasants.
Many centuries later, one John de Aspin, brother of Baron Aspin of Aspin Hall in ye township of ye ancient town of Bolton, was a Master Brewer and one time Seafaring man, accidently dropped some of the Gerston Mud into a vat of Brown Ale at his Cambrinous Craft Brewery which was sited on the Earl of Denby`s Estate in a quiet suburb of Lahpool. He had also run out of Finings in the last stage of the brewing of this Brown Ale. The results were staggering. It had a distinctive shade of Brown and the taste was out of this world. After many tests it was also discovered that no matter how much of the Brown ale was supped, the drinker never suffered from the dreaded flatulence which is quite common amongst beer drinkers. And thus the Cambrinous Brown Ale was born. A revolution in the manufacture of fine ales.
Thus out of this, the Baron de Aspin was determined to get his hands on Ye Deeds of Ye Gerston Mud, as the price was constantly rising. The year was 1198 and the owner of the Mud in Gerston was one Adam de Gerston, who had aquired them from the Kee Ghan family six years previously. Adam was now broke due to his life style of debauchery with the local wenches and the supping of much scRUMpy from the IndescRUMpy Distillery in Walton Vale. So for just a few Crowns, Baron de Aspin became the proud owner of Ye Gerston Mud. And the rest is history.

This story is as clear as Mud, I hope you can understand it all.
It is based on fact and from the Historical records of the Aspin family archives.

[Jeff Glasser]

kong, I'm starting to laugh now, I'm sorry, and I feel this is a poor attitude to have relevant to your great writings!! I will now go away to a dark place and poke knitting needles into my eyes as a penance.

Jeff

[captain kong]

Jeff,
This is a very serious subject and should be treated as such.
I do not like people who make mockery at these historical writings, read on you may be educated in the ways of the Brotherhood. Your ancester Jeffery de Glass thought diferently, especialy when he picked up his fee for Despatching young Michael de Aspin.

[Jeff Glasser]

I am a true believer kong, the needles in the eyes have worked, I am now once again your devoted reader.
I have done a bit of research of my forefathers, and it has come to light of a certain jethro Glass, he rode shot spear on the delivery carts of the well known fermenter of apple and pear juices 'Showrengs' in the old Somerset town of Sheeptown Mallay'. Founded by the Romans and known by them as LLinoleum.
You will no doubt be familier with the brand name -'Bebe champagne, invented by accident by Francisca de le Showreng, himself an illegal immigrant from Rumania.
It was rumoured that on one of Jethro's trips to Lahpool they delivered several barrels of home brewed Sc'RUM'py to a brewery that traded under the name of Aspinal. Whist the driver was busied with chits and receipts, our Jethro stole a keg of the MUD that he saw being added (secretly) to the bubbling brew. It was brought back and added to the squashed pear juice, giving it a great aphrodisical quality. To this day, men wishing to have their way with the local wenches will ply them with 'BabyCham', as it is now quaintly called in Somersetshire. Of course not being able to obtain more of the Lahpool MUD, a substitude has been found in the inferior mud from the river Severn.
This, as has been noted, is highly inflammable if not added in the correct ratios. ( see Old Glastonbury Sewer explosion of 1746 ) but nobody in the West country has so far complained, though severe flatulance has been attributed to it.

[Paddy]

Somerset a shire

[Jeff Glasser]

It is in my story Paddy.

[captain kong]

Jeff, In your own interests I urge you to read and inwardly digest the following statement issued by the Law Society.

As the elliptic statements of the basic ingredients of criminal liability that they are
frequently taken to be, both expressions [actus reus and mens rea] are incomplete and
misleading. While the term mens rea is used in at least three distinct senses, so that failure to
distinguish clearly between them leads inevitably to confusion, the terminology of actus reus
tends to conceal the important principles that are at stake when the courts are deciding what
sorts of conduct deserve condemnation as criminal. I do not mean to suggest that the
traditional terminology should be abandoned; rather I would argue that a sharper awareness of
its limitations might help us to see more clearly what the preconditions to criminal liability
really are, and how far they really reflect the principles they are commonly supposed to
encapsulate. . . .and so..
The wrongful and illegal acquisition of the said Mud, by Jethroe de Glasse from the premises of one John de Aspin, owner of the said Cambrinous Craft Brewery and brewer of the said Cambrious Brown Ale whose ingredients contain a percentage of Mud in the brewing thereof, and also Purveyor of Cambrinouse Brown Ales to the Northern Shires, comstitutes a criminal offence which if proven can and will be punishable by death.
It was presumed that the Olde Glanstonbury Sewer Explosion of 1746 was a fitting punishment by an act of God and the Courts would feel that this was a just punishment on some of the perpetrators of this heinous crime.
Nevertheless the offence of the theft of the Gerston Mud, from the above Purveyor of Cambrinous Brown Ale to the Northern Shires, takes precedent over any other offence. As the accused, one Jethrow de Glasse, is now deceased, steps will be taken to exhume his remains and will then therefore be drawn and quartered before being fed to the local Farmers swine.
This act of law will be a deterrent to any other person or persons wishing to commit a similar offence. The British Courts take a very serious view of the theft of such Gerston Mud and the full weight of the Law will be applied to any offender.
This division of crime into its constituent parts is an exercise of analytical convenience: the
concepts of actus reus and mens rea are simply tools, useful in the exposition of the criminal
law. Great care should, therefore, be taken to avoid determining questions of policy by
reference to definition and terminology. Such observations as that the maxim actus non facit
reum nisi mens sit rea serves the ?important purpose of stressing two basic requirements of
criminal liability,? make actus reus and mens rea seem rather more than analytical tools. They
have been converted from the descriptive to the normative: to propositions that criminal
liability should be based on harmful conduct, and should require a mental element. .

So let that be a lesson to you.

[Paddy]

Well thats cleared up.

[brian daley]

I am in the process of instructing my solicitors to pursue through the courts damages for the theft of intellectual property right to said story of The Mudmen Code. Now sod off and write your own story,you have been warned!! I am trying to tella tale here,
BrianD

[Jeff Glasser]

Kong, firstly I must mention that a search for the mortal remains of Jethro de Glass would be in vain. He was involved in a terrible explosion whilst trying to make illicit Bebechampagne in a home made still in the de Glass hovel outhouse, without making sure the place was well ventilated.
Only a few singed shards of the pink tights that he always wore, and the feather from his cap were all that was found. Some said that he had used the ensuing confusion to make good his escape from the Kings excise men that were closing in fast regarding matters too distasteful to mention here, and using the fleetness of foot that he was well known for, made his way to safer grounds in the great wastelands of Lancashire, never to be heard of again.
p.s. I'm not really a descendant, I took the name from a grave stone, so it'll be no good looking to me for any kind of reimbursement!
I are a foundling.

Secondly, Sorry Brian D, we do seem to have hijacked you story. Pray continue.

Jeff ( real name John Smith )

[captain kong]

Sorry about all that `ar Brian, I guess we got carried away in the heat of the moment. We digressed.

to Jeff

The swine,
Justice has been cheated again. I was hoping to re-enact the execution scene that the Earl of Derby, sometimes known as James Stanley, of Lord Derby fame experienced all those years before.
The Cambrinous Craft Brewery has produced a bottle of the famous Cambrinous Craft Brown Ale very popular in the Northern Shires. It is 5.5% and BV 1051. A very strong beer only to be consumed by the decendants of ye Woollybacks.
It portrays the scaffold and execution scene, of James Stanley the Earl of Derby, outside ye Ancient Hostelry, Ye Olde Man and Scythe, in Bolton.

I bet you all thought it never existed. I told you all along it was a true story, This Brew is called James Stanley`s REVENGE. brewed by the decendant of John de Aspin now known as John Aspinall, Master Brewer and Master Mariner.

Click on Ye Thumb Nail.

[Paddy]

The same Stanley that was ousted out the bookie trade by one William of the Hill!

[brian daley]

Hey Brian ,I thought that was a photograph of your tattoo,good picture though,hic.
I've just got back from a fantastic Burns night and I'm stuffed to the gunwhales with tatties ,neaps ,haggis and some fine old Scotch. Normal service will be resumed as soon as I remember who I am,er,'appy new year.
BrianD