Bobs' Funnies,for the jokes both old and new

[suzi]

So funny Pabs

[pablo42]

One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo and found her 92 year-old husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.


Brought before the court on the charge of murder, The judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense.
She began coolly,

'Yes, your honor. I figured that at 92, if he could have sex... He could also fly.'

[pablo42]

I keep farting Mike Oldfield tracks,

I've been diagnosed with tubular bowels.

[pablo42]

A boatload of Viagra has sunk in Loch Ness.

The monster has finally come up.

[pablo42]

When I was younger the fairy godmother asked me if I wanted a long penis or a long memory

I forget my response

[pablo42]

Blonde woman speeding down the motorway gets pulled over by a blonde policewoman.

Blonde Policewoman: "Can I see your license please, madam?"

Blonde: "License? Well, what does it look like?"

Blonde Policewoman: "It's small, square and has your picture on it"

Blonde searchs through her handbag until she finds a small mirror...

Blonde: "Here you are....."

Blonde Policewoman examines the mirror for a few seconds until she hands it back...

Blonde Policewoman: "I'm dreadfully sorry, I didn't know your were a cop"

[John Doh]

I saw a nun walking over a frozen pond yesterday then to my horror she fell through the ice. I ran over to help and as she put out her hand for me to grab I realised it wasn't a nun it was a Muslim woman in burka. I wonder if she managed to get herself out.

I was going to issue aBIGOT ALERT, but maybe I should refer this to other Yo-ers first. Anyone find this funny? I would hope that even any self-respecting nun would refuse the proferred hand rather than be a part of this 'joke'...

[pablo42]

I'm not a bigot John. I just have a sense of humour. A sick one yes...

[pablo42]

I was supposed to go on a date last night, and the girl I was meeting called me this morning, very upset that I didn't show up.
I said, "Sorry about that, I suffer from premature ejaculation."
"Well that's very unfortunate," she replied, "but if you were embarrased about something you could have turned up and explained it to me."

"I wasn't embarrased about it," I explained, "I came in my pants on the way to the restaurant, and suddenly didn't see the point in paying for your dinner."

[pablo42]

A nun goes into confessional and says to the priest, "I'm pregnant."
"How can this happen?" asked the priest.
"I think it must be the second coming," she replies.
The priest, shocked by this reply asks, "What makes you think it's the second coming?"
The nun answered, "Because I swallowed the first."

[Oddsocks]

It's a long thread and I don't know if it's been posted.

* * * * *

Dennis Penberthy, an elderly Cornish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions, stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.

"Tell me about your staff," he asked Penberthy.

"Well," said Penberthy, "there's the farm hand. I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week, along with a bottle of gin every week, and, occasionally, gets to sleep with my wife."

"That's who I want to talk to," said the inspector, “the half-wit."

"That'll be me then," said Penberthy.

[John Doh]

I'm not a bigot John. I just have a sense of humour. A sick one yes...

A sick joke can make me laugh too... sometimes; but a story that seems to me to be based entirely on reinforcing ignorant negative stereotypes is something else again. Maybe you don't see yourself as a bigot, but surely only a bigot would find this funny?

[Samsette]

C'mon John, let it go, and take comfort in the knowledge that you are a sensitive young fellow, versed in all the nuances of modern speak.
Though, I must say your multiple use of the word bigot is bordering on "reinforcing ignorant negative stereotypes."
I do not enjoy blonde jokes, either, but who gives a hoot what I think.

[GNASHER]

A sick joke can make me laugh too... sometimes; but a story that seems to me to be based entirely on reinforcing ignorant negative stereotypes is something else again. Maybe you don't see yourself as a bigot, but surely only a bigot would find this funny?

I'm not a bigot and I found it funny,old but funny.

[pablo42]

A sick joke can make me laugh too... sometimes; but a story that seems to me to be based entirely on reinforcing ignorant negative stereotypes is something else again. Maybe you don't see yourself as a bigot, but surely only a bigot would find this funny?

It's a gag John. Like the ones I put up about robbing Scousers. Odd, cos I'm a Scouser and I know they don't go robbing. I have travelled all over the Middle East, Africa and the Far East. I have good friends all over the same places. I have shared food and bunks with them all. We have shared water when there was none, smokes when we only had one. They would laugh at your accusation.