Bobs' Funnies,for the jokes both old and new

**Lil V** · 06-07-2010

I'm NOT interested in feeding any flames or prolonging an inquiry where a direct response is being avoided; I was just hoping that Kevin would be able to explain how the distaste felt not just by me or John but by several other members, some of whom have now left the forum, is different from that expressed by him in those early pages of this thread. I have not been abusive, though others have; they seem to be the ones who insist on continually stoking things up. I, however, like Kevin will leave it now.

**Jill** · 06-07-2010

Originally Posted by Lil V

I'm NOT interested in feeding any flames or prolonging an inquiry where a direct response is being avoided; I was just hoping that Kevin would be able to explain how the distaste felt not just by me or John but by several other members, some of whom have now left the forum, is different from that expressed by him in those early pages of this thread. I have not been abusive, though others have; they seem to be the ones who insist on continually stoking things up. I, however, like Kevin will leave it now.

I'm not one for confrontation or arguments, but really John/ Lil you guys are just lookijng to wind people up. Kevin, Suzi and Pablo do not deserve that. This thread is for Bob. I have gone too.

**Jenny** · 06-07-2010

I agree with you Jill. John Doh has been nothing but a complete and utter bully.
Nobody needs to be treated the way you have treated Pablo, Jill , Suzi, Kevin and myself.
I HAVE GONE TOO.

**scouse smurf** · 06-07-2010

Hasn't anyone heard of the ignore button ??? Anyway, this thread ain't the place for carrying this on. It's a joke thread, not an argument thread. With that in mind, one I got earlier...

Eskimo comes home from fishing to find his wife in tears
"What's the matter?" he asks
the wife replied "My mother's just died"
Eskimo slaps her round the face.
"What the hell was that for?" she asks

"That's for making me laugh when I've got chapped lips"

**Samsette** · 06-08-2010

Bob Fairley was one of the most likeable men I ever met, brief though our meetings happened to be. Bob never had an unkind word for any living creature. If any of you had known him, you would agree with all of this. He was what you younger ones now refer to as a beautiful man. Old and frail, but full of impish humour, and his name was given to this thread as a sort of compliment to his contributions to the site. I am certain he would be very upset at what has happened to it.
Perhaps we should recognize that this is the Liverpool Sailors sounding board, and Bob's thread is part of it. Liverpool sailors are likely to be a bit rough around the edges, and devoid of any political correctness, so you can expect this humour to reflect it. Also, most surviving merchant seamen are long in the tooth, and not too up-to-date on latest flavours/colours etc. With that in mind, perhaps those of you who are not ex-seamen and cannot tolerate the things you read on here, should just disembark and walk out of the dock gates to a thread more suited to your own tastes.
Don't turn this thread into something it was never intended to be. The Chit-Chat thread is no more.

**brian daley** · 06-08-2010

Well said Malcolm, I could'nt have put it better my self,let's have a bit more puckish laughter ,Old Bob was like that,
BrianD

**kevin** · 06-08-2010

Originally Posted by Samsette

Bob Fairley was one of the most likeable men I ever met, brief though our meetings happened to be. Bob never had an unkind word for any living creature. If any of you had known him, you would agree with all of this. He was what you younger ones now refer to as a beautiful man. Old and frail, but full of impish humour, and his name was given to this thread as a sort of compliment to his contributions to the site. I am certain he would be very upset at what has happened to it.
Perhaps we should recognize that this is the Liverpool Sailors sounding board, and Bob's thread is part of it. Liverpool sailors are likely to be a bit rough around the edges, and devoid of any political correctness, so you can expect this humour to reflect it. Also, most surviving merchant seamen are long in the tooth, and not too up-to-date on latest flavours/colours etc. With that in mind, perhaps those of you who are not ex-seamen and cannot tolerate the things you read on here, should just disembark and walk out of the dock gates to a thread more suited to your own tastes.
Don't turn this thread into something it was never intended to be. The Chit-Chat thread is no more.

More eloquently put than I managed.
Thanks.

**GNASHER** · 06-08-2010

I've just had a beaver curry.
It was just like a normal curry but a little otter.

**GNASHER** · 06-08-2010

A blind scouser walks into a Manhattern bar.
He orders a drink and says to the barman,"Do you want to hear a joke about New Yorkers?"
Silence falls and the man next to him says,"Before you say anything,the bloke behind the bar is from Queens,The bloke on the door is from Harlam and I'm an ex line backer from the Bronxs.Do you still want to tell your joke?"
"Nah" says the scouser." Not if I've got to explain 3 times".

**Samsette** · 06-09-2010

Thank you Brian and Kevin. And thank you also, Gnasher, for keeping the jokes coming.

**kevin** · 06-09-2010

A teacher at a school for obese children has been sacked for cocaine addiction.

He was given away by his massive pupils.

**essexscouse** · 06-09-2010

If i dont win the lottery i am going to marry a chinese millionairess i met last week....her name is Cha Ching

**rbrewr** · 06-10-2010

Hi For those that have not seen the" lighthouse joke" before here it is on u-tube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SluwRjiMyA
Reg.

**rbrewr** · 06-10-2010

New Rules for Government Employees

Dress Code

It is advised that you dress according to your salary.

If we see you leaving on holidays wearing fancy shoes and carrying an Eddie Bauer bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to go to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. In the case of lighthouse keepers, as you have no place to go, you might as well work them.

Bereavement Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in writing to the office for a future date.

Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board in the office under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

Skinny people can take 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our department. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

- author unknown
Reg.