The Mudmen Code,a potty history of Garston

The Mudman Code

Dear reader I must ask you to suspend your disbelief as I relate my tale of times past when the world was a simpler place and Garston was on the verge of greatness.

Our story begins in the New Hayes Hospital for the Terminally Bewildered,
I was working there temporarily, filling in time before I was due to emigrate to Birmingham,my visa had been lost in the post and I had had to make another application. However that is another story.;it was just after midnight when old Mr Keegan was brought in, he was in a very muddled state,his face a mixture of fear and anticipation . As he was wheeled to his room I noticed that his possessions consisted one old burlap sack ,a Tupperware box and very little else. I was given the task of cleaning him and getting into bed, all the while he clutched the burlap sack to his chest ,afraid that it might get stolen or lost.
I got him some cocoa ,in which there was a sleeping draught ,and sat with him while he relaxed and gave himself up to a much needed sleep. There was very little information about him in the paperwork, apparently he had been a local character who slept in doorways and any other place that might offer him shelter from the elements, he relied on the good nature of the shopkeepers who used to let him have spoiled fruit and out of date pies and sandwiches to sustain.him.
He could be found bathing himself down Garston shore but most of his time was spent in the reference section at the local library.
He never engaged anyone in conversation ,but those who were in earshot could often hear him muttering , ?That bloody nun.. if only?.? He was never found to be without his plastic box or burlap sack, and now, here he was beside me,gently snoring ,the sack freed from the grip of his sleep loosened hand.
What did that burlap enfold? My curiosity got the better of me and I leaned over and gently lifted the sack away from him; it was heavy. I struggled to undo the string that held it closed, the knots were expertly tied, was he a sailor perhaps..
Opening the sack I saw a small brass bound box, beautifully made, it was Sapele mahogany with brass corners and an escutcheon on the top which bore the legend ?Presented to Bro. K.Keegan Esq, Mode Humanus, from the Grateful People of Garston ,in the year of Grace MCMX1? 1911, it was now 1999,how old was this man, and what did the box contain?
It was held closed by a wonderfully fashioned padlock, finished in silver plate.
I had?nt yet taken his old clothes down to the incinerator and quickly rummaged through his pockets in search of the key. It seemed to take an age to find ,there was so much rubbish and bits of crumpled paper in every pocket , I eventually found it secreted in his lapel, he had obviously sewn it there many years before. But why all the secrecy, could the contents of the box answer that question?

The tension is mounting.:ninja:

Got my curiousity also.. awaiting ????:002:

Hurry up Brian, the intrigue is killing me!

2

My hands were shaking when I opened the box, it was filled with sheafs of paper, brown with age and charred at the edges .Apart from a couple of medals and seeming religious medallions there was naught else in the box.
I carefully unfolded the sheaf of paper and could see that there were pages and pages filled with the meticulous copperplate script ,minute in size but clearly discernable.
I returned to my room to fetch my reading glasses ,sandwiches ,flask and smoking materials; this promised to a long read.
Settling myself down in the chair by my charges bed ,I unfolded the pages and began to read???

????This is the journal of Kerrigan J.Keegan 1898

I was taken on the barquentine ?Mudskipper? as third mate, being my fathers ship ,I would be trained on the job rather than be sent to a sea training school,father maintained that officers trained in this manner had a greater understanding of the sea .I think he did it to save money.
We were carrying the usual cargo of Garston mud to Chile ,a journey that our vessels had been making since the Spanish first settled South America.
The Spaniards ,as the Romans before them (and some said the ancient Greeks too) used the fabulous mud in their brickmaking. Our company had many ships plying this trade and Garston had become a wealthy little town. It had been trading non stop since the Romans occupied Britain in the first century of the Christian Era. When they came to the north of the country they settled in Chester from where they sent surveyors to the surrounding territories, sailing down the river ,now called the Mersey ,they found the natives on the northern shore by the hamlet of Oglet to be of a friendly disposition and noted ,that unlike the neighbouring tribes ,the Oglet tribe lived in brick houses. Brick of a wondrous kind, it was smooth and hardy ,light and durable. When the surveyors enquired whence the bricks originated the natives pointed to a little settlement further downriver, a place they called Gar Stone, the place of brick.
Those ancient surveyors made their way along the shore towards the rising spirals of smoke where they found a clearing close to the shore. In it were some crude kilns around which were stacks of newly made brick. They had never seen such handiwork ,whereas these Latins were masters of stone and marble, these men of Gar Stone were surely brickmakers of the first order.
It was not long before the Gar Stonians became aware of the Romans presence and they surrounded them , never having seen such finely dressed people before.
Soon an older man appeared and he was brought to the Romans ,who could see that he was the chief. Putting his arms across his chest ,he half bowed before them and said ?I am Kee Ghan ,the leader of these peoples, what is the nature of your visit to us? The Romans replied that they were looking for places that could offer good trading conditions that would help consolidate the relations between them and the natives. The old chief then asked if what they saw pleased them and they replied that they were mightily pleased ,the Gar Stone bricks would be ideal for building homes for the Roman Empire.
A great feast was held in honour of the illustrious visitors to commence the beginning of a trading relationship that has lasted near two thousand years.
My family grew rich and so did our people, we might have been richer but when the Roman Empire collapsed so did the need for our bricks. The Goths , Picts ,Jutes ,Vikings ,Saxons and Angled despised our handiwork and used daub and wattle or wood and straw. The Druids banned our brickmaking on pain of death and drove us underground ,literally. And thus was born the secret society which carried on the arcane ways, the Brotherhood of Mudmen.
They met only on night of the full moon so that no lamps were required to carry out their rituals, These brave men , prevented from creating the bricks that had brought them wealth ,then devised a plan that would help restore the fortunes of their beloved town . They would make the bricks elsewhere. With the coming of the Christian missionaries from the new kingdom of Rome ,they were able to rekindle the contacts that they had had with their ancient trading partners. A monastery was settled on the shores of the river and ,on the Abbots own vessels ,some of the Brethren of the Order of Mudmen were despatched abroad to Rome and Constantinople to set up brickworks. What those brickworks needed was mud ,the mud of Gar Stone. And so commenced a new golden age, as paganism and vandalism passed into history, the New Holy Roman Empire came into being ,and the churches it built were made of brick ,brick that was made from the finest mud available. The mud of Garston. Note its name ,one word not two.
The Brotherhood prospered and created new orders , the Illuminati, an ultra secret order that brought together the greatest thinkers of the day, the head of the order was always a member of the oldest of Garstons families, the Keegans.
Now in charge of shipping the Mud ,they never brought their vessels back empty but brought back silks and carpets ,sandalwood and ebony and all those other exotic spices .Ships of every nation lay at anchor waiting to discharge their treasures before they went away laden with the greater treasure, Garston mud!
As these ships sailed out toward the Irish sea ,they had to pass that other settlement near the rivermouth ,Larpool, a place that was feared by most mariners for there lived the villainous Scousers, a race of pirates who were not above luring the incoming vessels with false beacons which caused them to be stranded on the hostile shore. Thus many Liverpudlian families became enriched by such nefarious deeds Ship captains knew well enough to stay midriver to avoid that noisome place. The natives were so uncultured.

I was talking to a bloke in the Blue Union a few years back and he said ?What have the Romans ever done for us?? Well all in all Brian as they say blood is thicker than mud. I knew an Irish chieftain called Keegan he sold his wife to a Welsh landowner who had a fair few acres under Snowdon in the days before the National Trust took the land. His descendants run wind farms and mine for yellow chalk, a lucrative trade as it goes?.

And there's more?

Larpool hasnt changed much has it.

Come on Brian, I need a wee, but I:shock: do'nt want to miss anything!

The Journal of Kerrigan J. Keegan cont?.


Down through the ages my family ,and with it ,the Brotherhood and the town of Garston ,prospered. Our attachment to the church of Rome seemed indissoluble ,but the Brethren worked secretly with new church in Byzantium ,and with the empires to the East, we had to act covertly lest the Holy See were to take umbrage with our duplicity. Our Masters had seen what had happened to the Cathars and the Gnostics, they would not let that fate befall them.
Our Brethren who had settled in Byzantium became as natives, as did our Brethren in Persia and far off Hindustan. Only members of our family were initiated into the order and our family was large .
Correspondence between the Orders was made through a skilfully contrived code known only to the Illuminati in each country and this was perfected to such a standard that it remained unbroken down all the centuries. The secret of our success was our apparent openness, we seemed to be mere traders ,no suspicion ever arose regarding our activities ,our profits were so widely dispersed that no ruler was ever aware that we were gently seeding our wealth and putting it to great use..
It was in the reign of King John that we laid the first stones of the Great Cathedral to Our Lady Mary the Mother of God. This was sited in the fields that lay beyond the waterfront as you came up the Street of Kings. A ceremonial arch was raised to lead the faithful into the great Square that lay beyond it. This arch was bedecked with flowers and bunting on holy days or when we had visiting nobility. They would progress up from the portway and walk through a bower of fragrant flowers which were waved aloft by dancing virgins. Those were colourful days and they are depicted in the splendid murals that can now be seen in the great Museum and Art Gallery that we built in the Street Of St. James.
When King John passed through our town he invested ,unknowingly , the then Grand Master of the Mudmen into one of the Royal Orders, he became The Noble Watcher of the Majestic Bowel. The Grand Master was diligent in his duty for it was a fact that his sovereign majesty did indeed suffer mightily with his bowels, and his flatulence once near caused a war with our French neighbours. This ailment of the King was fortuitous for the Brotherhood for it caused them to discover something that would both lead to a resolving of the Kings Terrible Problem and the further enrichment of the Order. That something was the healing properties that were a constituent of the Mud. How it came to be discovered will be explained in good time for I am afraid the sea is getting up, I can hear the officer of the watch calling and must go and see what assistance I can render.
12-04 1898

Brian, I can't hold it any longer!

3
18.04 1898
Those rising seas were the precursor of a storm ,the like of which our Captain later said ,was the worst in all his 40 years at sea. So great was the wind that the mainsail was rent across before we could send men enough aloft to reef them. We toiled for three days and nights to make her safe ,the hands were hollow eyed wrecks by the eve of the third day. The lord was good to us for the winds abated and gave us enough calm to make for the Isle of Fernando de Noronha, a lonely place to the east of Recife in Brazil. Luckily the Captain had been there as a 2nd mate many years before and knew it well enough to navigate us safely through the shoals into the Baia de Sancho. We think it should be called Safe Haven for it is well sheltered from the elements and thus give us the opportunity to effect the damage wrought upon us by hurricane.
The carpenter and shipwright are at work as I pen these words and I should have time enough to continue my tale.

When the master Masons constructed the cathedral in the town of Garston , they were in the employ of the Brethren, but these Brethren were entrenched within the Roman Church and our then Grand Master was the ruling Bishop of that See.
The masons , being members of another friendly order , were sworn to secrecy as to the full design of church, for as well as the main crypt below ground ,two further chambers were constructed, and constructed in a manner that there concealment was never discovered . The chambers were for the Brethren and it was there that they performed their rituals, and it was there also that they met in conclave to guide the fortunes of the now growing Brotherhood. New side orders were created to allow the induction of men who were not of Garston bloodline but who would prove beneficial to the order through expanding their knowledge of astronomy , biology , botany and medicine . It was through the experiments of one such Brother that the remedy for King Johns Terrible Problem was found. Prior to his arrival at St Egberts monastery (all non blood Brethren were inducted as monks) the mud had been transported in wooden tubs . This was a tedious task, such was the amount timber required for their manufacture that the newly formed Woodcutters Society was hard put to meet the demand and the Great Wood of Garston was being denuded of many tree.
Bro Waterways , being of an exploratory nature, sought to find a way out of this dilemma and set about dehydrating the mud to see if it could be powdered and thus weigh less heavy ,and also enabling it to be bagged in sacks and make for easier transportation.
He carried out his experiments in the cellars of Garston Castle , well away from the prying eyes of those who were jealous of our secrets. It was?nt many months before he had come up with a solution , and with that solution the founding of another of our fortunes!
In his experimentations , Bro. Waterways found that as the mud reached a certain temperature in the drying process a light ash would cloud off the smoke and fall in smuts about the room, some fell in his drinking horn and lay on the surface of his dinner wine. He had always thought this lightish soot a nuisance ,it required cleaning after every drying period and covered everything. Preoccupied , he reached for his wine and took a draught before he noticed the film of soot ,swallowing it down he thought that the wine was more pleasant than usual but never gave the matter much thought. However , being a man who was given to the same afflictions as the King ,he found a wonderful feeling of settlement come over his innards. Picking up his drinking horn he looked at it contents, there was a residue of soot at the bottom of it. He spent the next few weeks testing it on the men at the Queens Tavern and received reports from their wives that the nights in bed were much quieter since drinking the good Brothers sleeping draught.
He made further tests on the great Shire horses that Brothers Portus and Rhodus kept at their stables in St Marysfield . Again the reports were to the good , the dreaded Shire flatulence was no more.
Having assured himself of the medicinal effects Brother Waterways then took the remedy to his Master ,The Grand Brother Keegan ,the Noble Watcher of the Majestic Bowel. A carriage was prepared and the G.B was hastened to the Hamlet of Nottingham where the King was enjoying a shooting holiday ,the targets being the local bandit peasantry.
The King was administered his remedy just before he retired to his bed ;that night all Nottingham was silent , not a poot or a parp was heard .The Royal bowel was granted peace at last and the township of Garston was granted Royal Patronage..
A university was to be established ,one that would teach the liberal arts and sciences, this would be the jewel of English academia and would produce many great philosophers, artists ,musicians ,writers and others. Europe would send the cream of its students to benefit their further education .

Many years of peaceful progress followed , the Brethren managed to avoid any involvement in the sordid battles between the religions.The Crusades had destroyed the fortunes of many of Europes great families, the various orders that were formed to assist in the success of the Crusades were enjoying different kinds of success. The Order of the Poor Knights of Jerusalem , the Templars ,were enjoying a spectacular success after the First Crusade. From being a collection of Indigent Knights tasked with protecting the Temple at Jerusalem, within a few short decades they became rich beyond the dreams of avarice.
They set up a banking system that spanned the Holy Roman Empire, all transport, whether by land or sea , handled by the Templars, all ,that is,
excepting the Brotherhood of Mudmens. Being an older order and having greater business skills , we had placed some of our Brethren in all of the new orders as a contingency to protect from any actions that these orders might take that would be harmful to our aims. And such actions saved us heavy losses when the Pope and the King of France later eliminated the Templar Order.
Our Brethren had the ear of many monarchs and prelates and , more importantly ,the Pope ,the well placed agents got wind of the planned destruction and were able to get word to the Templar bastion at La Rochelle. Thirteen Templar vessels escaped the clutches of the French soldiery, five sailed to Portugal and were granted sanctuary by the Portugese king. Some went to Scotland under the command of Frederico Kinghornia , what nobody knew ,until now dear reader, is that one sailed to Garston under the command of Aspinale de Kong ,And thus would open a new chapter in the fortunes of the Mudmen.

8 bells are sounding so I must away to my duties,the midshipman reported that the shipwright thinks our damage so grave that she willnot make it round the Horn. I'll lay my pen down 'til the morrow.

18.04 1898

What happend to Walter Charles Cecil Rugerton who lived off Window Lane :ninja:

Yes I remember it well, the escape from the Salientia* French clutches and my victorius return to my homeland of Gastone. I later invented the first mud tanker, watered down the mud to a thin liquid and then got all hands to man the pumps for discharging. On a long voyage in the tropics this was unsuccessful as the mud dried and the pumps could not discharge.
So it had to be dug out by hand into barrels. :034:
This was to be the first of my many, many cockups.
Aspinale de Kong,

*Salientia. [see google].

I follow your story with grat interest in the hope of an introduction to the heir of Bro Waterways. Alas I to suffer with the same affliction as the king

I have tried the mud from the River Alt it gave me the runs for a week but no cure

Thank you for your kind comments and queries,alas the journal is somewhat tattered and our narrator is struggling back there ,but give him time; like you ,I have no idea where all this is going to end,
BrianD

4
22.04 1898
The prognostication of our midshipman has turned out to be correct,the damage is far too great to effect an attempt around the Horn so our Captain
has decided to head for a ship repair yard at La Boca in Buenos Aires.
How long we will be there is anyone?s guess.
A word about our Captain, he is a direct descendant of that same Templar shipmaster who sought refuge from the wicked Saliente, or Frogs as we say in the modern parlance. Being a foreigner and a Templar to boot, neither he ,nor his descendents were initiated into the Brotherhood. Instead he, and his crew , were allowed to carry on their Templar ways, but strictly out of sight from our churchmen and other uninitiated citizenry. No sign or emblem was allowed to be shown, as far as the Holy Roman church knew ,they were good catholic seaman who come to ply their trade on our behalf. With their navigation skills ,and their knowledge of ships and all that was involved in the course of ocean travel ,they were the greatest prize ever to land on Garstons shore.
Our fleet increased ,and so did the need for ships, and this is where our Templar friends excelled for the number of shipwrights that had come with them was sufficient for us to open our own shipyards.
Soon our vessels were seen to be the finest afloat , traders from other ports came to order their new vessels from us and our town had to expand to cope with influx of workmen needed to meet the demands.
Some villeins from Larpool sought gainful employ within our town but they were taken on only under sufferance, letters of guarantee were sought from their parish priests before they were allowed entry through the town gates. One infraction against the restrictions placed upon them and they were despatched very quickly back to their village by Brother Asbo.
As time past and trade prospered ,so did then need for men to man our ships. The Illuminati instructed the Brethren to build a School of Navigation, this would be sited at the farthest reaches of Garstons boundaries, on the shore of Grassendale, near the site of the Convent of La Sagesse, a much venerated place .Some elders thought it unwise to have so many mariners in such close proximity to so many virgins ,but the matter was soon passed over.
With the passing of the years too ,we saw our Templar friends marry into local families and to assimilate themselves into our way of life they also Anglicised their names, the de Kong brothers dropped their surname and took their ancestors forename ,altered to make it look local, Aspinall . Only one of them carried on the maritime tradition, that was the wilder one, Mad Jack Aspinall,the other brother had set up a brewhouse on the southern shore and was brewing ale from the same waters as we excavated our mud from. It was a mighty potent brew. The water was only drawn on the ebb tide for that was when it flowed fresh from the Pennine Hills. The town walls ,which had been erected in the 12th century were soon in need of relocating , such was our populace that we had to purchase land from the manors that abutted our demesne.
I am afraid that I will have to curtail my writing at this juncture ,there has been a call for my services on deck and I must ,once more lay down my pen
22.04 .1898

I have a few questions.

Did they build ships at oglet?

Did larpool men ever court the women of Garston?

Did The lar Sagesse sisters fast all year round and become good at figures?

If the source of the river mercy is atop the Pennines, who was king of the peak distict?

What year was the seige of Garstonia by Larpool?

Brilliant writings as always Brian. You have a talent to draw the reader into the story. :PDT11

Hey Paddy,just read the b****y and stop with the questions,this is a potty history,not an historical treatise.If you keep on you just might find yourself in it ! You have been warned..........
The Author

YES , WHEN DID THE SKIN BOATS START TO SAIL INTO GARSTON.?
WAS IT AFTER WHEN THE MUD DRIED.? OR BEFORE AND USED AS CURRENCY TO BUY THE MUD??

Fancy asking me that question Cap'n Cong,you know your great,great,great.great grandfather sailed in with the first bunch! Just read the story.
The author

Brian, I think I'm getting the gist of this great and secret tale, I do'nt suppose there's a bit in it for me?
I believe some of my local Severn mud was mixed with that which you speak of, by ne'er- do- wells intent on making a greater profit. ( continued by their descendants to this day in Bristol within the drugs trade ) with disastrous results, reversing the healing qualities which led to the great sewer explosion of old Glastonbury in 1746.

This story is as clear as mud to me?

Keep it coming!

Adam de Gerston in the year 1198 was broke, his lust for wenches and the supping of much rum from the Indies left him destitute and his land containing all the Mud was sold to a Baron de Aspin, of Aspin Hall in Bolton. Baron Aspin saw the benefits of controlling the supply of Mud and allowed his brother, John de Aspin, a Master Brewer and one time Seafarer, on the Earl of Denby`s Estate, to use the Mud in his brews. It was used in brewing Brown ale, instead of using finings in the final stages of the brew. the Mud gave his brown ale the unmistakable flavour and brown colour of the Cambrinus Craft brew that was becoming famous throughout the Northern Shires.The Earl of Denby and all his heirs were all taken up with this particular brew and for the next five centuries they quaffed it daily. The present day Earl of Denby in 1642, feeling quite billious one day, was sat in his throne room musing of this and that and of many other things, when he thought Why should I be buying all this Mud for the brews off a woolly back Baron. There was a civil war on at the time so he decided that under the cover of the war he would invade Baron Aspin`s land in Bolton seize the deeds for the Garston Mud Land and then it would all be his to sell to the world and to all the Cistene Chapels and monastries around the Merside.
Under cover of darkness he rode into Bolton on a beautiful white Stallion, and settled in the Ancient alehouse known as "Ye Old Man and Scythe", built in 1128, and still open to this very day in the 21st century, still a favourite haunt of the decendants of the First Baron de Aspin.
The Earl of Denby thought he had cracked it, he was asking for directions to the Estate of Baron de Aspin, he told the assembled throng in the tap room, of the said alehouse, that he was a close friend of the Baron.
Now these simple yokels , sometimes known as woolly backs, couldnt understand his Scouse accent and thought he was one of those Salientia Frogs. He was taken outside in shackles and a scaffold was hastily built and in front of a large crowd of Woollybacks, his head was removed from his body by a single blow of an axe.
Then they all trooped back into the alehouse and celebrated by quaffing large quantities of Cambrinous Craft Brown Ale made by Baron de Aspin`s brother John de Aspin.
When news of the execution of Denby reached the ears of Baron de Aspin he was much sorrowed. He decided to give the deeds of the Mud to his brother who owned the Cambrinous Craft Brewery on Denby`s land. John de Aspin , had to make peace with the heir of the Earl of Denby, the now Earl of Denby, and gave him the deeds of the Mud Land in Garston. the Earl of Denby was much moved by this gesture and allowed John de Aspin to remain with his Cambrinous Craft Brewery on his land in Perpetuety, rent free.
Two years later after losing heavily on the horses at Aintree, Lord Denby as he was now called, was facing eviction from his land and had to sell the Deeds of the Mud back to the Baron de Aspin to save his estates.

And all you disbelievers thought this a tale of fiction! No my friends ,for I did with these very hands hold those brown and charred sheets that contain this tale of woe and lo! the names of many and various characters who people the pages of Yo! are to be found therein. My friend the author will read on but not yet anon. There are many hours to morning and we still have far to go. I see the light is still on in the room where our reader keeps his watch, be patient and wait awhile............

:)
"Yon tale gets curiouser and curiouser" as Alice said !!!

Bob F :002: :handclap:

It sure does Olly.

5
26.04.1898
Would that I had the words to express the sorrow that fills my heart.I have not had the strength ,nor inclination ,to put pen to paper since last I wrote.
We were struck by a sudden squall and the repairs that we effected in the Baia de Sancho were near undone. Had it not been for the grace of God and our good Captain Aspinall, then all would have been lost. His strength and endeavour set the men to work beyond the endurance of common folk and we were made secure enough to continue our voyage to the Argentine. The damage is such that we mayhap will spend a lengthy sojourn in La Boca, this will perhaps allow me to further my story of our passage through the many years that make up the history of the Brotherhood.

The weather is calmed much these past few days and I write these words in the lee of the aftercastle by the light of my oil lamp. The gentle breeze makes the rigging sing a siren song and the hiss and sigh of waves as we glide through the wine dark sea brings comforting balm to my soul.
That squall claimed the life of our young midshipman John Seddon. Just sixteen years of age ,a true lad of Garston stock ,he would have been initiated on the eve of his twenty first year.
I look to the myriad stars above in the velvet black canopy and pray that he is amongst them ,at peace after the terrible calamity that befell him. Being a cousin of mine ,it will fall to me to relate the tale of his passing to his Mama.
I will take me away to the solitude of my bunk and rest before my watch.
26.04.1898

01.05.1898
We have berthed in the shipyard of La Boca ,it is nightfall and I ,and one old able seaman from Larpool , Rocko Fairley are all that remain aboard.
This is a dangerous place for Jack?Ashore ,the docks are lined three deep with merchantmen of every nation and the mean streets teem with all the scum that has been spewed ashore from the many vessels. Those lusty men who have been pent up these many months ,go rollicking and ranting , hellbent on spending their hard earned tin in the low dives that line the Calles and Avenidas.
Most of our crew will make for the Liverpool Bar,so called after the new name for old Larpool;this is a dance hall come brothel and no Brother would cross its filthy threshold. But this was a place that was much frequented by our very own Captain Aspinall,this and the other pox ridden dive The Flags of all Nations Bar.
There were many diversions to attract the carnally minded in this town and I prayed to heaven that we would leave this place with a crew unscathed .
The bars that a man can lose himself to some awful fate are many and sundry,
In the Calle Juan and the Calle Lavalle,the red light district that went by the nickname the "Streets of Blood and Tears",the men would go to sate their lusts and oft be relieved of all they possessed.
My father related to me tales of this Hell on Earth and I have no taste for such nightmares, I will keep my body and my soul together with the help of my desire to complete my journal.

02.05 1898
The morning was bright with sunshine and the air filled with sound of hammering and the clanking of chains, a concatenation of babbling voices fills my ears and I realise that work has commenced on our vessel. I am brought a steaming mug of Brazilian coffee,( a novelty after a diet of Mazawattee tea ),and refreshed enough to take stock of the morning .Mr Brewer ,the mate informs that the captain is not to be disturbed .He spent an energetic night at the German House and expended a small fortune on some ?Silent Pipers? . Heaven knows what else he was up to. Young Glasser, the captains tiger, has been taken by the Marineros and will be spending this day cleaning the stables at the police barracks.
The Ordinary Seaman Paddy has not been seen since wandering off in the company of some whalermen so god wot this day will bring.

I hope that we have some mail whilst we are hear ,it would be good to hear from young Lindy Lou , or maybe Miss Lilac. God forbid that one should find out about the other,but what else can you expect from such entanglements.
I must turn the men to their workings and myself to matters of shipwork

01.05 .1898.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by captain kong

Adam de Gerston in the year 1198 was broke, his lust for wenches and the supping of much rum from the Indies...

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I presume you mean the East Indies? Rum didn't exist in the West Indies until after Chris Columbus (from Aigburth I believe) carried sugar cane from the Canaries to Hispaniola, thereby starting off the sugar trade, then the rum trade, in the West Indies.

As sugar cane originated in Indonesia it is undoubtedly East Indian rum that Adam had a penchant for. Mind you, the fella must have gotten about a bit - rum was generally unknown in Europe until the 1200's so he must have had a secret stash!

The word Rum in 1198 came from the word scRUMpy, a typical Gerston abreviation for all long words. It was brewed from all the apple trees that abounded down the Scotland Road of Lahpool in those far off days.
A very popular beverage until the famous Cambrinous Craft Brewery was opened brewing fine Brown ales made from the Gerston Mud.
The `Indies` again was an abreviation of the Owners name, The Indefatigable scRUMpy Distilery, of Walton Vale. Lahpool.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by captain kong

The word Rum in 1198 came from the word scRUMpy, a typical Gerston abreviation for all long words. It was brewed from all the apple trees that abounded down the Scotland Road of Lahpool in those far off days.
A very popular beverage until the famous Cambrinous Craft Brewery was opened brewing fine Brown ales made from the Gerston Mud.

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11 out of 10 for inventiveness - I bow to the Master!

As you well know, it was the 17th Century before there was a significant import trade of (sugar-based) rum into the UK. I never knew there was an earlier version. The older I get, the more I realise just how much I've still to learn.
:handclap:

Incorrect as it originates from 1145 (a time incidentally most pubs opened as at 11.45am you'd hear the bolt slide across)

George dRUMmond who also happened to play in the Langolian pipe and dRUM band in the area created the potion as it was cayeld back then to rival mead (from runny'mead') which was sometimes mistakenly misheard as RUMmymead.

This from olde lies of Lidyepule book not elsewhere published on this site. Lies meaning of course, the way the land lies - not as in fibs which this is.

In 1645 Oliver Cromwell was sat in the House of Commons on the banks of Ye Thames, Musing of this and that and of many other things when a court messenger arrived from Up North, He brought news of a `Mud` that made many things in life so much easyer. It was used in the making of bricks, Oliver did want a new Palace to be built, It was used in the manufacture of paints, his boudouir needed a new coat, it also cured the flatulence that was common amongst the landed gentry of the time and last but not least it was better than yeast in the making of Brown Ale, a brew he was not particularly fond of when made of Ye Thames mud due to the use of Ye Thames as an open sewer.
He made enquirys of the where abouts of this magical `Mud`. It was in a place known as Gerston and the owner was one Baron Aspin of Aspin Hall in Bolton, the possessor of Ye Deeds.
He assembled his Army and they marched Up North to Ye Township of Bolton.
After two years had passed he arrived on the outskirts of Bolton his men went into the town for a well earned ale in the alehouse still known as Ye Olde Man and Scythe, They started on the famous Cambrinous Craft Brewery Brown Ale made from the famous Gerston Mud. They had never ever tasted anything as good being from the area known as Ye Thames.
They got themselves very legless and started to fight with the local Woolybacks. The Woolybacks had no chance against a well armed Cromwellian Army and soon they were slaughtered, two thousand Woolybacks were put to the sword, the street outside Ye Olde Man and Scythe ran in rivers of blood. This massacre is still recorded on the Memorial Cross that was erected by Baron Aspin, on the site of ye execution of the Earl of Denby three years before.
Baron de Aspin was in Lahpool visiting his Brother John de Aspin, brewer of the famous Cambrious Craft Brewery Brown ale and one time Seafarer. He was quaffing several firkins of the Brown stuff whilste playing his harpsichord and singing ye old favourite song of Greensleeves, when a messenger arrived to tell him of the slaughter of 2000 Woolybacks in his home town of Bolton.
He was much sorrowed by this news and immediately went back on the ale again.
Finally as the days passed he decided to go home to his beloved Aspin Hall.
He rode his charger down Ye Olde East Lancashire Road and as he arrived on the hill overlooking Bolton he could see a pyre of flames and smoke in ye far distance.
Meanwhile Oliver Cromwell had arrived at the manor known as Aspin Hall, the residence of one Baron de Aspin. He battered down the doors and his men searched ye house for Ye Deeds of Ye Gerston Mud. He searched the great hall, the 32 bedrooms, the banqueting rooms, even the Maids quarters, some of his men having their wicked ways with ye wenches, much to their delight.
Cromwell was much disturbed by not finding ye deeds. He did not know Ye Deeds had been given to the heir of the Earl of Denby now known as the Earl of Denby, two years earlier. So in a fit of Pique he set fire to the great Hall of Aspin. It blazed for seven days and seven nights.
Cromwell was so distraught at the loss of Ye Deeds he turned teetotal, and not another drop of liqour passed his lips and he became a Puritan and went on an extended holiday to Ireland.
On seeing the charcoal embers of his once beloved Great Hall, Baron de Aspin rode back to his brother`s dwelling at the famous Cambrinous Craft Brewery famous for the Cambrinous Brown Ale on the Earl of Denby`s Estate and immediately went back on the ale to drown his many sorrows.
One day whilst under the influence of ye Famous Cambrinous Brown Ale he staggered out into ye local woods in a fierce rain storm to relieve himself against a tree. A flash of lightening struck the tree and he suddenly saw the light.
"What am I doing here?", he shouted at the storm, A great voice from the sky boomed out, "Cos you give me a pain in the ass". He was much afraid of this great voice. "From hence forth you will be known as Kong and become a Seafaring man, go ye to Gerston and sign on ye Mud ships of the great fleet of Mud carriers and go to the three corners of ye known world."
The storm passed and Baron Aspin de Kong was a changed man and also a changed name. He left his brother`s home at the Cambrinous Craft Brewery, a Purveyor of Cambrinous Brown Ale to the Northern Shires, and went to Gerston where he met a Cistene Monk who was a well known Navigator, having sailed back and forth to his old country with Gerston Mud for Ye Holy Father, Ye Pope.
The Cistene Monk sometimes known as Alfonso, taught Kong all he needed to know about Navigating ye worlds oceans and so another famous seafaing man was born. He decided to change his name again when he recieved his Masters Certificate from Alfonso, the great navigating Cistene Monk. He became Aspinale de Kong. Henceforth all his sons and all their sons became seafarers. a big change from being landed gentry, The lands around the Great Hall is now a large council estate full of ruffians and benefit cheats.

This is a true story based on real historical facts.

New Hayes Hospital 1999
Our reader stirs himself from his reading of the old and charred manuscript to pour a refreshing cup of tea. As he sits sipping the drink he glances over to the Tupperware box and is seized by a mild curiosity. ?What lies therein? he pondered,?Could it be as big a surprise as that box of wonders?? Reaching across for it he notices that it is sealed with ducting tape.?He must have wanted whatever is in there to stay dry? He quickly peeled back the tape and opened the box. Inside were some old envelopes with their contents still within. He lifted one out and saw that it had on the back of the envelope the letters OHMS. Was this an old tax demand. He drew out the letter and unfolded it ,the header page was embossed with the coat of arms of Crown Royal Pursuivant.The letter was dated 8th August 1938.
Scanning the contents he read that it was from the Royal and Ancient Pursuivant, written in answer to a plea entered on behalf of K.J.Keegan, in which he fought for the restoration of the title and deeds to his life and family tree which had been purloined by certain members of the De Aspinall family. The courts Pursuivant had found favour with the plea entered by K.J.Keegan and had issued a Royal Warrant against the family of Aspinalls demanding that they desist in their actions in causing several and varied actions of public and private mischief against the said plaintiff. It also ordered that the Five guineas which the said Baron Aspin had borrowed off the plaintiffs family during the period of the Commonwelth be paid back with interest.
Our reader drew out a second missive from an unmarked envelope ,it contained but one sentence in clear English ,the rest of the page written in a strange and wonderful code,
The signature at the bottom was illegible but the logo beneath it was unmistakeable ,it was a figure like the Golem with the words Mode Humanus enscribed beneath it. Looking back at the English sentence he read again ? The finger is pointing at Aspinale and the action must be expedited ?
The old man began stirring in his bed as he hurriedly restored the contents of the box,he
had great difficulty in refixing the tape to its proper state .
Putting the box back on the bed ,our reader wondered ?Where the hell is this going??

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ged

Incorrect as it originates from 1145 (a time incidentally most pubs opened as at 11.45am you'd hear the bolt slide across)

George dRUMmond who also happened to play in the Langolian pipe and dRUM band in the area created the potion as it was cayeld back then to rival mead (from runny'mead') which was sometimes mistakenly misheard as RUMmymead.

This from olde lies of Lidyepule book not elsewhere published on this site. Lies meaning of course, the way the land lies - not as in fibs which this is.

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By God this tale is becoming a RUM doo!

Kong, was'nt there also a certain Michael of Aspin who was a jester and sooth sayer at the court of King Charles. I believe there was great treachery by his cousin, Brian of Aspin hall, who ensured his death at the hands of Cromwells' men.

Jeff

6

09.05.1898
I have worked hard these many days to try and keep some sort of order in this
pestiferous place ;since we arrived at La Boca near half the crew are absent ,including our Captain ,who has spent a fortune in the seedier parts of the town. Were it not for our mate Mr Brewer, I feel that all would have fallen to pieces.
Since his arrival back on board , after a weekend spent with several Argentinian friends doing some genealogical research into the family tree of the President of Argentina ,Dr Jose Evaristo de Uriburu ,Mr Brewer has worked like a Trojan getting things back into order.
He was given an audience with El Presidente after the society had made its presentation of the findings ,and during the course of the audience ,the Presidente asked what Mr Brewer was doing in la Boca. Our mate informed his Excellency of the purpose of our voyage and the disasters that had befallen us ,hence our reason for being in his country. When the assembled company heard what cargo we were carrying they became very excited. They knew of the wonderful bricks that were produced with this product and became anxious to purchase it. There was a great deal of contruction afoot in Buenos Aires ,the Nuevo Puerto was arising out of the marshland to the east of LaBoca, this was to be for the berthing of the new steamships and the builders were hungry for bricks.
Mr Brewer opened tentative negotiations with the contractors that the Presidente had arranged to see him. I was despatched to find our Captain, because without him the negotiations could come to naught.
As I searched, I found a trail of mayhem that he had left in his wake, music halls trashed and bars that would never do business again. The Marineros were hot on his tail and Don Lorenzo ,the keeper of the Calabozo was seeking him to have him as a prized inmate. Old Rocko Fairley told me that our Captain had a fearsome reputation in these parts, not for nothing was he known to the denizens of La Boca as El Alehouse.

Mr Fairley espied our Captains somnolent form laying on the steps of the Sailors Home ,he was attempting to go back to his roots mayhap. With assistance of some brawny capatazes ,we were able to smuggle our captains comatose body back on board. These capatazes were hard men, of Welsh.extraction ,they manned the sheep stations on the Patagonian Pampas ,but could talk the sailor talk as many were deserters from the sailing ships before settling with their southern kin. We may have need of their services if we lose any more of our crew.

11.05.1898
It took near twenty four hours to bring our Captain back to sobriety, many cups of rich black Brazilian coffee were poured down his throat before he was compos mentis enow to assimilate the information Mr Brewer had for him.
To make an early sale of the cargo at a greater price than we would have achieved in Valparaiso,not to have to make that awful voyage around the Horn. We could seek a cargo here for a return to Garston ,Argentina was full of goods that would bring a good return on the home market. Thus it is that fortunes are made, and lost!

20.05 1898
Our Supercargo Gedric was given the task of seeking the most lucrative cargo for our return while Mr Brewer used the good offices of one of El Presidentes friends to secure the best price for our Mud.
Deals were struck and the trabajadores were set to work discharging our cargo, the repairs were speeded up as the holds were emptied and our young Supercargo Gedric reported the news of the cargo he secured for home.
Rawhides, many tons of them. He reasoned that the newly formed Tannery in King Street would benefit from such a cargo and would pay a handsome price too.. It was a foul smelling cargo and brought with it swarms of bloated blow flies. They settled everywhere and we spent much time under cover trying to avoid the plague.
Soon the last hatches were battened ,the Shipwright reported that the masts and spars were ready for the worst of storms and that our hull was sound..
We would soon be ready for sea.
And what of our crew? We had only lost one member ,young Paddy had heard the siren song of the South Seas and had embarked with the whalermen to make some money. How he would fare in such rough company was anybodys guess, but I fear he would not have much time for his poetic endeavours on such a vessel.
With the loss of Paddy and the death of young Midshipman Seddon we needed to ship just two beachcombers, Clancy ,a midlander who had spent far to long in the sun, and Luggy ,a old Nor?easterman who had been left behind after a wild weekend as a guest of Don Lorenzo.
The pilot is booked for the morrow and we will sail down the Rio Plata to catch the Trade winds for a swift journey home.
I look forward to the clean stiff breezes that will rid us of this nauseous swarm, three days should do it and then I will set myself to the labours of recording the story of the Brotherhood.
Sadly,there were no letters from home.
20.05.1898

Michael de Aspin was only a half member of the de Aspin family. He was born on the other side of the blanket after a dalliance by Baron de Aspin and a serving wench known as Miss Lilac in that house of ill repute, Ye Olde Man and Scythe, in the square in ye township of Bolton.
Unfortunately he had news of Baron De Aspin coming into possession of Ye Deeds of Ye Gerston Mud. He always wanted an allowance off ye Baron. Ye Baron found he was an embarrassment to the Family honour and banished him from Bolton.
It transpired that the messenger from Up North who delivered the news of the amazing Mud to Oliver Cromwell at the House of Commons was no less a person than Michael de Aspin. He was a traitor.
He tagged along with Oliver`s Army when they marched Up North to seize the said Deeds from Baron de Aspin in Aspin Hall in ye olde town of Bolton, hoping the Baron would be killed and then he could take over the title and the Hall.
News of Michael`s treachery reached the ears of the Baron de Aspin and a search warrant issued for his capture. Michael was the only man to survive the slaughter of ye 2000 Woolybacks by Oliver`s Army, proving he was in cahoots with Oliver.
One Jeffery de Glass, named as such for he had a glass eye, and flew like the wind all over the country, learned that Michael de Aspin was a frequent visitor to that well known den of iniquity, Dirty Dicks, in Wapping in ye City of London..
He paid two ruffians a guinea each to help him to despatch Michael de Aspin.
They waited until he staggered out of that hostelry to relieve himself over a stray beggar who was lying in the gutter, and they pounced,. Throwing a sack over the head of Michael they bundled him into a cart and transported him down to Wapping Creek.
A hole was dug at low tide and Michael was buried up to his neck and then they waited for ye tide to come in. As they waited they quaffed a few bottles of John de Aspin`s Cambrinous Craft Brewery`s Brown Ale out of some bottles that Jeff de Glass had brought with him from Up North.
Michael`s screams for mercy soon turned to gurgles as the tide swirled over his head and then he was gone.
The Baron de Aspin had revenge at last for his evil son`s treachery.

I did say cuff me to the mast.:rolleyes: