:)
Further to my Cuba trip Kevin, this young lady was our waitress !!,- another "stunner" !!!.
Bob F :handclap: :handclap:
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:)
Further to my Cuba trip Kevin, this young lady was our waitress !!,- another "stunner" !!!.
Bob F :handclap: :handclap:
You can still pull`em Bob,It must be your wedge in your wallet or the wedge in your pants that does it.
Sounds like a Sailors Dream, Free Rum and beautiful Cuban girls. What more could you wish for?.
Just jealous thats all.
I am off to Buenos Aires after next week, I will see if Cleopatra is still flaunting herself in the Texas Bar on Calle 25 de Mayo.
After that I am going to Ushuaia, Tierra del Fuego, Cape Horn and then the Antarctic, South Georgia, Tristan Da Cunha, and Cape Town. The ship I am on has a free bar, wine beer and spirits. good for keeping out the cold.
I may get lucky.
Great to see you back Bob, you look like a million bucks, but who would'nt sitting amongst such beauties. Where were you staying, Varadero? We were there the week beofre 9/11.
And you, Captain Kong ,we wish you and Anne all the very bestdown South America way(don't forget to watch out for the muggers).Your trip to Antarctica will be envied by us all;bring us back a Penguin(the chocolate kind!!
BrianD
Bob,Quote:
Originally Posted by roccija
You are such a tart!
:unibrow:
Brian,Quote:
Originally Posted by captain kong
Have a good 'un.
Kevin
:)
Kevin, re-"Bob, You are such a tart!", comment !!.
Which way am I supposed to take that???
Bob F
With a smile on your face.Quote:
Originally Posted by roccija
It's only jealousy!
:)
A couple of jokes to start off the week-end.
As a young piper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a
> grave-side service for a homeless man,
> with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way
> back in the country,
> and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
> As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost;
> and being a typical man did not stop for directions.
> I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who were
> eating lunch,
> but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
> I apologized to the workers for my tardiness,
> and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the
> vault lid already in place.
> I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long,
> but this was the proper thing to do.
> The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I played out my
> heart and soul.
> As I played the workers began to weep. I played, and I played, like I'd
> never played before:
> From My Home & The Lord is my Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest.
> I closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to my car.
> As I was opening the door and taking off my coat,
> I overheard one of the workers saying to another,
> 'Lard Jeezuz b'y, I never seen nothin' like that
> before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.'
-----------------------------------------------
Two Newfies were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.
After a while the first Newfie says to the second,
'If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife
while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby,
would that make us related?'
The second Newfie crooked his head sideways for a minute,
scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard
about the question.
Finally, he says,
'Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even.'
-----------------------------------------
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
_____
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or
shoplifting?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? (stealth tax)
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box ?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby " when babies wake up like
every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?
_____
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat ?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he
just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
_
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your arse?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place
Bob F :handclap: :handclap: Have a great week-end !!!
Good ones again Bob, got me laughing.
Cheers.
A German guy approaches a lady of the night.
'I vish to buy s ex viz you.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I'll charge 20 an hour.'
'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.'
The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees.
'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say,
'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'
'Ah,' says the German . . 'zat is ze...
Four-sprung Duck technique
:)
That's a "QUACKER" tabnab !!!
Bob F :handclap: :handclap:
Good One Fred.
:)
Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?' asked the Irishman, walking up
> >> to the counter.
> >>
> >> The assistant looked at him and asked: 'Are you Irish?'
> >>
> >> 'If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was
> >> Italian?' demanded the Irishman indignantly. 'Or, if I asked for German
> >> Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?'
> >>
> >> Then, warming to his theme, he went on:
> >>
> >> 'Or if I asked you for a kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was
> >> Jewish?' 'Or, if I asked you for a taco, would you ask me if I was
> >> Mexican?
> >> Would Ya? Would Ya?'
> >>
> >> The assistant said: 'Well, no.'
> >>
> >> Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman steps it
> >> up a gear. 'And if I asked you for frog's legs, would you ask me if I
> >> was French?'
> >> 'What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?'
> >>
> >> 'Well no, I probably wouldn't' conceded the assistant.
> >>
> >> So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says: 'Well,
> >> all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for
> >> Irish sausages?'
> >>
> >> The assistant replied: 'Because you're in Homebase'
---------------------------------------------------------
COWBOY BOOTS
A mature couple, Rod and Barb, are in California.
Rod always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on
sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
He walks into the house and says to his wife:
'Notice anything different about me?'
Barb looks him over, 'Nope.'
Frustrated Rod storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back
into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a
little louder this time,
'Notice anything different NOW?'
Barb looks up and says, 'Rod , what's different?
It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again
tomorrow.'
Furious, Rod yells, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, BARB?'
'Nope', she replies.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!"
To which Barb replied, ?Shoulda bought a hat, Rod . Shoulda bought a hat." !!
----------------------------------------------------------------
NEW SUNBURN TREATMENT:
A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn,
specifically to his upper legs.
He went to the hospital,
and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in,
the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline,
electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for
him, doctor'?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep
the sheets off his legs." !!!!!!!
Bob F :handclap: :handclap:
:)
Had to pass this one on !!!
Union Rules & Hookers
A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas
and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one,
he asked the Madam, 'Is this a union house?'
'No,' she replied, 'I'm sorry it isn 't.'
'Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?'
'The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,' she answered.
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the
street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search
continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded,
'Why yes sir, this is a union house. 'We observe all union rules.'
The man asked, 'And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?' 'The
girls get $80 and the house gets $20.'
'That's more like it!' the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a
stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde .
'I'd like her,' he said.
'I'm sure you would, sir,' said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year
old woman in the corner, 'but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and
according to union rules, she's next.'
NOW YOU Know what's wrong with the AUTO industry
And why they want a BAILOUT !!!
Bob F :handclap: :handclap:
Funny again Bob. had me laughing.