New statistics are out. The most popular position for married couples is Doggy Style.
The husband begs for it and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
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New statistics are out. The most popular position for married couples is Doggy Style.
The husband begs for it and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
I went for an interview at a leading DIY superstore today and they've just rung to offer me a post.
I must say I'd have prefered a job.
I looked up my ex girlfriend the other day,
I love being a Gynecologist.
I bought some biscuits yesterday, on the packet it said "Store in a cool place."
So I mailed them to Samuel L Jackson's house
I said to my girlfriend, "Now remember, my mother is very old, so speak nice and slow and very loud."
Then I said to my perfectly capable mother, "By the way, my girlfriend is slightly retarded."
What fun that was...
You can always rely on the kindness of strangers....
..If you carry a knife.
I surprized a burglar last night.
I broke into the same house.
A man went to the doctor with really bad sunburn. The doctor prescribed Calomine Lotion and some Viagra. The man said he understood about the lotion but why the Viagra? The doctor said it would help keep the bed sheets off him at night.
It's old I know, but still a good 'un...
I treated my girlfriend to an incredible candlelit dinner at the Savoy. Halfway through, after the waiter had served us the finest Bollinger champagne, I gracefully got up and walked around to her.
She looked at me with a look of pure happiness, with a tear welling in her eye, as I got down on one knee.
I presented her with the ring, with a cheeky smile, as all around us, the other customers cheered us on. But only to see her face turn to disgust as she looked around at everyone, and she started crying, and ran from the resturant.
That Durex Play Vibrations advert is very misleading.
A man goes to the doctor suffering from premature ejaculation.
"Can you do anything to help me, Doc?" said the man.
"No, but I can give you the address of a woman who has a short attention span" replied the doctor.
My wife threatened to leave me today because apparently im a smart-ass.
She said '' Were at a crossroad in our relationship, one way is love and trust the other is a divorce''
I said '' I think you will find thats called a t-junction ''
Just been following this recipe. It says i need a knob of butter.
Well as soon as that Lurpak guy has finished playing that trombone, then i'll get it.
Boy in confession,"Bless me father for I have sinned.I hand a w**k over my sister."
"That's a discrace" said the priest,"Especially when you have two gorgeous little brothers".
Will that get me a kickin' ?
Very funny Gnasher.
A brummie is sitting on the bank of a canal fishing.
A friend strolls along the bank towards him and watches silently for a few minutes. "Caught anything?" he asks.
"Caught a whale!" the angler replies and gives his rod a flick.
The friend looks slowly around, then down at the keep net dangling in the water. "Whadya dew with et?" he asks.
"Threw et back!" says the angler.
"Yew [...]
Reveal the rest of this joke
A brummie is sitting on the bank of a canal fishing.
A friend strolls along the bank towards him and watches silently for a few minutes. "Caught anything?" he asks.
"Caught a whale!" the angler replies and gives his rod a flick.
The friend looks slowly around, then down at the keep net dangling in the water. "Whadya dew with et?" he asks.
"Threw et back!" says the angler.
"Yew caught a whale and threw et back?" asks the friend incredulously.
"O' course!" says the angler, "Rusty and had no spokes!"