I'm awaiting a mention of the doomsayer who started the temperance movement in opposition to all the rum swigging - Baron Le Monade.
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I'm awaiting a mention of the doomsayer who started the temperance movement in opposition to all the rum swigging - Baron Le Monade.
Tis' true. The one named Jeff de Glass was an ancester of mine. The afore mentioned eye was lost in a poker game to a sea fareing wastrel who wore a patch over both eyes.
The name goes back to the times of the Norman invasion. A certain Duke Julian de Glass, a member of the French Nobility who fought valiantly alongside William. (Though twas' said he would always test which way the wind was blowing before deciding who to fight for, a trait still in evidense to this day in the now named 'Glasser' family.) He had laid with a local wench believed to go by the name of 'Naked Cadillac' or something very similar, resulting in the long family line of de Glass.
Over the centuries the name has cropped up whenever any underhanded and devious acts have been reported in the broad sheets and tabloids from all counties of this fair Isle. As has been noted, he once sailed as Tiger to the notorious Captain Aspinal, and was the only person who could safely handle the Captain when he was in one of his frequent drunken rages.
A few Centuries later, the Earl of Denby having lost all his money again on the Horses at Aintree had the Bailiffs hammering on his door at the Great Hall.
He only had one recourse and that was to disappear. He changed his name by deed poll to the Earl of Standley, The bailiffs came and he proved that he wasn?t the Earl of Denby as he was the Earl of Standley and claimed he had no idea of the previous Earl`s whereabouts. The Bailiffs departed.
He still possessed Ye Deeds of Ye Gerston Mud.and still supplied Mud to the descendant of John de Aspin, now known as John de Aspin, the owner of the famous Cambrinous Craft Brewery of Cambrinous Brown Ale and purveyor of Cambrinous Brown Ales to the Northern Shires.
Meanwhile a certain family of ruffians, by the name of Keegan, in the village of Garston were claiming the rights to possess Ye Deeds, as they were the original founders of the famous Mud from way back in the 1st century in the year of 48 A.D. The family of Kee Ghan thrived for eleven centuries, exporting their Mud around the three corners of the known world for the manufacture of these special bricks and also for the use of relieving the flatulence suffered by the gentry due to their habit of over indulgence whilst the peasants starved. As with all great empires, the empire of KeeGhan`s Mud was infiltrated by foreigners, They were first of all customers of the Kee Ghan Enterprises, this great Company had spread itself far across the three corners of the known world, to Rome, Persia, Byzantum and beyond. These peoples formed a Brotherhood and infiltrating into the Company eventually took over. 95%of the board were Members of the Brotherhood. They called themselves the `Illuminata`, a secret society , even KeeGhan could not be a member even though he still had a seat on the Board.
In 1192 the Kee Ghan family.were conned out of Ye Deeds by one Adam de Gerston. Adam went bankrupt in 1198, due to his indolence , drinking the scRUMpy of the IndescRUMpy Company, and much wenching, He later sold Ye Deeds to one Baron Aspin of Aspin Hall in Ye Township of Bolton, for a few Crowns
These said Deeds over the years were eventually passed over to the Earl of Denby of Lahpool in the 17th Century where they were then transferred to the name of one Earl of Standley. The whereabouts of the said Deeds are now a mystery. Does the Standley family still have them? Or have they again sold them to repay their gambling debts.
Meanwhile the family of ruffians of the name of Keegan of Garston also claimed for a debt that was owing of five guineas plus interest.
Captain Aspinale de Kong, a prominent Seafaring man of distinction, a descendant of the original Baron Aspin of Aspin Hall in the town of Bolton, has said that the said debt of five guineas was used as a credit note by the Keegan family to consume vast quantities of the now famous Cambrinous Craft Brewery`s Cambrinous Brown Ale, a product that uses the Gerston Mud in its manufacture. This Cambrinous Brown Ale over a period of time has the effect of losing memory and so Mr Keegan has forgotten all those days and nights when he consumed copious quantities of the said Brew. Indeed he now has a bar bill reaching into the hundreds of guineas, Captain Aspinale de Kong`s last comments were,? I`ll see you in Court, Keegan?
7
24,06 .1898
We are near home now ,the voyage has been without incident , the blow flies are far behind us and I am free once more to continue with my tale.
Those of you who are not of Garston blood will find it hard to give credence to my story; the fact that we gave sanctuary to so many outsiders did not help in this matter. The ?foreigners? sought to discredit our history by publishing scurrilous tales and calumnies. I have no axe to grind and would ask you to consider my words as being true . Therefore ,those of you who are still awaiting the truth may read on.
I left of at that part of my history when the brewery was founded by the good Michael Aspinall. Set up on the banks of the Mersey it was to endure through the all the changes that were wrought by time. We have no need to bother ourselves with that enterprise ,a seller of good ale will always be needed by honest thirsty men.
I wish to record the important mile stones that mark our towns history and the real story of the hands that operated the levers of power. The hands of the Brotherhood of Mudmen.
When the great cathedral was built there were,as I have already indicated, two secret chambers built beneath it .Within those chambers were stored our archives and the sum total of our arcane knowledge. With the spread of our network throughout the then charted world ,our Brethren had gleaned the secrets of the ancients and all were brought back to our ?citadel? . Here they were subjected to intensive scrutiny , the rituals and ancient prayers of manifold peoples of the old world were subjected to empirical practice and observation, and it was through such trial that our Elders discovered some terrible secrets.
I have related the tale of Kings Johns innards, that is just the stuff of nursery stories when compared to the greatest discovery.
When the people of Judea were subjected to their sojourn among the Babylonians they met with a world so different from that in their native land. Being worshippers of the one god, there they met with a multitude of beliefs for the Chaldeans,the people of Babylon, were at the crossroads of the old world and had come into contact with the Egyptian ,Greek, Indian and Scythian beliefs. The Zoroastrians influenced them too and this led to a fusion out of which the Kabbala was formed. Bel and Hea,Nipur and other minor gods were prayed to . The Judeans embraced none of the idols but did embrace the Kabbala and did learn some of the great secrets. The greatest secret of all was the manipulation of clay. And not as a substance for brickmaking or pottery ,but for something more powerful than that. I fear that I will lose you here if you do not keep your disbelief suspended. The greatest and most secret use of clay was for the making of what can only be called automatons.
When this knowledge was brought to us during the middle period of the Christian Kingdom of Jerusalem, it was deemed to be too incredible. Only the Illuminati were informed ,and only those empiricists among their number were allowed to have sight of the information. Accordingly ,another secret workshop was excavated beneath the cathedral and it was their that the most trusted brethren set to work in the matter of seeing if such a thing were possible,the construction of a Golem.
Our brothers laboured long and hard in their efforts to emulate the success of the Chaldeans, the first clay model was adopted by the Brotherhood as their emblem. A man of clay, Mode Humanus. The image was engraved on to
medallions and seals ,these would only be issued to the men of who had been initiated in to our society. The statue itself was placed in our Temple as a symbol of whence we came,Mud.!!
The strict code that governed our Order meant that no one could ,or would divulge knowledge of its existence, other orders had made themselves manifest by wearing their colours openly and had been put to the sword. Like the chameleon ,we adopted the colours of those around us, so for many centuries Garston was a very catholic place. We served our lords and masters and paid what taxes they thought we should , the prying eyes of the priests and tax gatherers were never truly aware of true assets .Our true wealth was in our secret knowledge and the powers that this knowledge gave us. Our advances
in the fields of medicine led to the betterment of our peoples health. The medicinal properties of this fabulous boon of the river was still our greatest source of wealth.
The next milestone in our history came with the war between the Houses of Lancaster and York, such terror and misery was visited upon the common people when the warring Barons and Earls sought to conscript yeomen for their militias. Fathers were forced to fight against sons and brother against brother, if they were conscripted into the opposing armies. The Norris family ,our nearest neighbour espoused the Yorkist cause ,whilst that caviller Stanley waited and watched his options.
Our township took no sides and the local Earls and barons knew well enough not to attempt any conscription of our yeomanry. They were all them too deeply indebted to us, were had their letters of mark which we could foreclose on any time.
As a footnote to that period of history it should be noted that Stanley cavilled to the very last moment at Bosworth field . He held his men back on the rise above that great field of battle until he had a clear indication of which House would prevail. When Richard fell ,Stanley entered the field on the side of the Marcherman.
The next milestone, and the beginning of a dangerous part of our history takes place not in our town ,but Prague, in the kingdom of Bohemia.
The Holy Roman Emperor was resident there in the late 16th century and he caused the people to turn against the Jews , subjecting them to degradations which ,because of the royal sanction, led to murder ,rapine and mayhem . The Maharal, or chief Rabbi, pleaded with the Emperor Rudolf to desist in his actions without success. A number of our Brethren were in Prague at this very time with a cargo of mud, amongst them was one of the Illuminati, who was conversant with the construction of the Golem and he made haste to visit the Maharal. After he had identified himself as a friend , the Rabbi listened to the Intelligence that our Brother had to impart and men were despatched to the Vlatava to collect enough of the mud to commence the construction of this warrior of God. Upon completion of the Golem Rabbi Loewe and our Brother spent the night chantimg ancient Chaldean prayers and performing secret rituals over the statue.
Kabbalistic signs were inscribed upon its parts and then the Rabbi stepped forward and made the mark that, until this moment, had been unknown to our Brother. It was a Hebrew word ?Emet? an ancient word for Life. The Golem breathed life and quickly grew to a monstrous size and went out in to the night to follow the instructions written on his several parts. The Golem caused such a wave of death and destruction amongst the Christians of Prague that the Emperor begged the Rabbi to make it desist in its actions. By removing the first letter of the word Emet ,the word became death and the Golem was returned to a clay statue again. The wise Rabbi secreted the Golem beneath the synagogue in Prague where some believe it lies there still.
However the Mudmen now had the power to activate their own Golem, more of which anon.
The tales outsiders publish are many and varied ,but none of them true, The truth lies in the bound volumes from which I transcribe this narrative. As the crowns changed heads and the Tudor line ceased to be ,the Stuarts came down from Scotland to claim their inheritance and it is here that our fortunes enter another phase.
Would the self same Norris family be kin to those from the green, who through industry and guile had a place name bequeathed upon them by the elders.
The Norris family(a.k.a. Norrys and Norries) resided at Speke Hall and became influential within the Borough of Liverpool. the land upon which the estate is built was donated to Liverpool council in 1920 by Lord Derby(relation) and was ,indeed, named after the Liverpool Norris's. But remember,all the rest is just whiff'n'spoof.
Speke Hall is haunted evenso:ninja:
The Secret Societies have been present in the history of man for a very long time. It all started thousands of years ago with the "Brotherhood of the Sumerian Mud,? a secret society set up by an alien named Ea or Enki. This story is very carefully told in the Sumerian scriptures, which go back at least 6000 years. There it says man was created by draconian aliens, who came to this planet to exploit its resources - especially the Mud. But the work was heavy, so the alien race wanted someone else to do the hard work. Thus Ea, who was a brilliant scientist, created homo sapiens as a hybrid between a primitive earth life-form and the alien race. These images made from the Sumerian Mud were living breathing creatures in the likeness of man. These were made from the Mud in the shape of a man.and brought to life. They were know as Golem.
In the 1st Century AD all the Sumerian Mud had been used up. The whole area had been returned to the desert.. There was nothuing left, civilisation as they knew it was also drying up.
Other sources say once the golem had been physically made one needed to write the letters aleph, mem, tav, which is emet and means "truth," on the golem's forehead and the golem would come alive. Erase the aleph and you are left with mem and tav, which is met, meaning "death."
Often in Ashkenazi Hasidic lore, the golem would come to life and serve his creators by doing tasks assigned to him. The most well-known story of the golem is connected to Rabbi Judah Loew ben Bezalel, the Maharal of Prague (1513-1609). It was said that he created a golem out of The Mud to protect the Jewish community from Blood Libel and to help out doing physical labour, since Golems were very strong.
Again the Mud from which these Golems were made were drying up and there was a crisis in the world, the likes of which have never been seen, since until we had the Credit Crunch in September in the year 2008.
. Another version says it was close to Easter, in the spring of 1580 and a Jew-hating priest was trying to incite the Christians against the Jews. So the golem protected the community during the Easter season. Both versions recall the golem running amok and threatening innocent lives. A separate account has the golem going mad and running away. Several sources attribute the story to Rabbi Elijah of Chelm, saying Rabbi Loew, one of the most outstanding Jewish scholars of the sixteenth century who wrote numerous books on Jewish law, philosophy, and morality, would have actually opposed the creation of a golem unless it was made from Ye Gerston Mud, the only supply left in the known three corners of the world.
Ye Gerston Mud had been in popular use for the last few centuries since 48 AD when the Romans exploited it and Kee Ghan operated the Mud fields on a three shift system to maintain the heavy demand for it. The Gerston Mud was now the only place left in the three corners of ye known worlde.
Mean while the scholars and scientists of the time made the discovery of the manufacture of the special bricks, also if taken as a medicine, one spoonful each morning and evening, cured the extreme flatulence that was prevalent at the time due to the over indulgence of the ruling classes at the expence of ye peasants.
Many centuries later, one John de Aspin, brother of Baron Aspin of Aspin Hall in ye township of ye ancient town of Bolton, was a Master Brewer and one time Seafaring man, accidently dropped some of the Gerston Mud into a vat of Brown Ale at his Cambrinous Craft Brewery which was sited on the Earl of Denby`s Estate in a quiet suburb of Lahpool. He had also run out of Finings in the last stage of the brewing of this Brown Ale. The results were staggering. It had a distinctive shade of Brown and the taste was out of this world. After many tests it was also discovered that no matter how much of the Brown ale was supped, the drinker never suffered from the dreaded flatulence which is quite common amongst beer drinkers. And thus the Cambrinous Brown Ale was born. A revolution in the manufacture of fine ales.
Thus out of this, the Baron de Aspin was determined to get his hands on Ye Deeds of Ye Gerston Mud, as the price was constantly rising. The year was 1198 and the owner of the Mud in Gerston was one Adam de Gerston, who had aquired them from the Kee Ghan family six years previously. Adam was now broke due to his life style of debauchery with the local wenches and the supping of much scRUMpy from the IndescRUMpy Distillery in Walton Vale. So for just a few Crowns, Baron de Aspin became the proud owner of Ye Gerston Mud. And the rest is history.
This story is as clear as Mud, I hope you can understand it all.
It is based on fact and from the Historical records of the Aspin family archives.
kong, I'm starting to laugh now, I'm sorry, and I feel this is a poor attitude to have relevant to your great writings!! I will now go away to a dark place and poke knitting needles into my eyes as a penance.
Jeff
Jeff,
This is a very serious subject and should be treated as such.
I do not like people who make mockery at these historical writings, read on you may be educated in the ways of the Brotherhood. Your ancester Jeffery de Glass thought diferently, especialy when he picked up his fee for Despatching young Michael de Aspin.
I am a true believer kong, the needles in the eyes have worked, I am now once again your devoted reader.
I have done a bit of research of my forefathers, and it has come to light of a certain jethro Glass, he rode shot spear on the delivery carts of the well known fermenter of apple and pear juices 'Showrengs' in the old Somerset town of Sheeptown Mallay'. Founded by the Romans and known by them as LLinoleum.
You will no doubt be familier with the brand name -'Bebe champagne, invented by accident by Francisca de le Showreng, himself an illegal immigrant from Rumania.
It was rumoured that on one of Jethro's trips to Lahpool they delivered several barrels of home brewed Sc'RUM'py to a brewery that traded under the name of Aspinal. Whist the driver was busied with chits and receipts, our Jethro stole a keg of the MUD that he saw being added (secretly) to the bubbling brew. It was brought back and added to the squashed pear juice, giving it a great aphrodisical quality. To this day, men wishing to have their way with the local wenches will ply them with 'BabyCham', as it is now quaintly called in Somersetshire. Of course not being able to obtain more of the Lahpool MUD, a substitude has been found in the inferior mud from the river Severn.
This, as has been noted, is highly inflammable if not added in the correct ratios. ( see Old Glastonbury Sewer explosion of 1746 ) but nobody in the West country has so far complained, though severe flatulance has been attributed to it.
Somerset a shire :shock:
It is in my story Paddy.
Jeff, In your own interests I urge you to read and inwardly digest the following statement issued by the Law Society.
As the elliptic statements of the basic ingredients of criminal liability that they are
frequently taken to be, both expressions [actus reus and mens rea] are incomplete and
misleading. While the term mens rea is used in at least three distinct senses, so that failure to
distinguish clearly between them leads inevitably to confusion, the terminology of actus reus
tends to conceal the important principles that are at stake when the courts are deciding what
sorts of conduct deserve condemnation as criminal. I do not mean to suggest that the
traditional terminology should be abandoned; rather I would argue that a sharper awareness of
its limitations might help us to see more clearly what the preconditions to criminal liability
really are, and how far they really reflect the principles they are commonly supposed to
encapsulate. . . .and so..
The wrongful and illegal acquisition of the said Mud, by Jethroe de Glasse from the premises of one John de Aspin, owner of the said Cambrinous Craft Brewery and brewer of the said Cambrious Brown Ale whose ingredients contain a percentage of Mud in the brewing thereof, and also Purveyor of Cambrinouse Brown Ales to the Northern Shires, comstitutes a criminal offence which if proven can and will be punishable by death.
It was presumed that the Olde Glanstonbury Sewer Explosion of 1746 was a fitting punishment by an act of God and the Courts would feel that this was a just punishment on some of the perpetrators of this heinous crime.
Nevertheless the offence of the theft of the Gerston Mud, from the above Purveyor of Cambrinous Brown Ale to the Northern Shires, takes precedent over any other offence. As the accused, one Jethrow de Glasse, is now deceased, steps will be taken to exhume his remains and will then therefore be drawn and quartered before being fed to the local Farmers swine.
This act of law will be a deterrent to any other person or persons wishing to commit a similar offence. The British Courts take a very serious view of the theft of such Gerston Mud and the full weight of the Law will be applied to any offender.
This division of crime into its constituent parts is an exercise of analytical convenience: the
concepts of actus reus and mens rea are simply tools, useful in the exposition of the criminal
law. Great care should, therefore, be taken to avoid determining questions of policy by
reference to definition and terminology. Such observations as that the maxim actus non facit
reum nisi mens sit rea serves the ?important purpose of stressing two basic requirements of
criminal liability,? make actus reus and mens rea seem rather more than analytical tools. They
have been converted from the descriptive to the normative: to propositions that criminal
liability should be based on harmful conduct, and should require a mental element. .
So let that be a lesson to you.
Well thats cleared up.:002:
I am in the process of instructing my solicitors to pursue through the courts damages for the theft of intellectual property right to said story of The Mudmen Code. Now sod off and write your own story,you have been warned!! I am trying to tella tale here,
BrianD
Kong, firstly I must mention that a search for the mortal remains of Jethro de Glass would be in vain. He was involved in a terrible explosion whilst trying to make illicit Bebechampagne in a home made still in the de Glass hovel outhouse, without making sure the place was well ventilated.
Only a few singed shards of the pink tights that he always wore, and the feather from his cap were all that was found. Some said that he had used the ensuing confusion to make good his escape from the Kings excise men that were closing in fast regarding matters too distasteful to mention here, and using the fleetness of foot that he was well known for, made his way to safer grounds in the great wastelands of Lancashire, never to be heard of again.
p.s. I'm not really a descendant, I took the name from a grave stone, so it'll be no good looking to me for any kind of reimbursement!
I are a foundling.
Secondly, Sorry Brian D, we do seem to have hijacked you story. Pray continue.
Jeff ( real name John Smith )
Sorry about all that `ar Brian, I guess we got carried away in the heat of the moment. We digressed.
to Jeff
The swine,
Justice has been cheated again. I was hoping to re-enact the execution scene that the Earl of Derby, sometimes known as James Stanley, of Lord Derby fame experienced all those years before.
The Cambrinous Craft Brewery has produced a bottle of the famous Cambrinous Craft Brown Ale very popular in the Northern Shires. It is 5.5% and BV 1051. A very strong beer only to be consumed by the decendants of ye Woollybacks.
It portrays the scaffold and execution scene, of James Stanley the Earl of Derby, outside ye Ancient Hostelry, Ye Olde Man and Scythe, in Bolton.
I bet you all thought it never existed. I told you all along it was a true story, This Brew is called James Stanley`s REVENGE. brewed by the decendant of John de Aspin now known as John Aspinall, Master Brewer and Master Mariner.
Click on Ye Thumb Nail.
The same Stanley that was ousted out the bookie trade by one William of the Hill!
Hey Brian ,I thought that was a photograph of your tattoo,good picture though,hic.
I've just got back from a fantastic Burns night and I'm stuffed to the gunwhales with tatties ,neaps ,haggis and some fine old Scotch. Normal service will be resumed as soon as I remember who I am,er,'appy new year.
BrianD
Been on the Scotch again? As James May said on the telly last week:Quote:
Originally Posted by brian daley
"Scotch is responsible for ruining Rabbie Burns' spelling and making Scotsmen think they look good in skirts".
Made me laugh anyway!
I think he`s been on the Aspinall`s Cambrinous Craft Brewery Brown Ale.
Can we get back to the twelve year old single blend mud!
8
03.07.1898
I have had so little time to attend to my recording of the travails of the Brethren of late; no sooner had we neared the Scillies than a great storm blew out of the North East . It added near a week to our passage and brought back dreadful memories of our outward journey ,but we are in the Irish Sea now ,heading for Liverpool Bay. I am minded of the tales my father told me as a child of when he would be making the same passage home. He told of the excitement that seizes hold of a crew as they near their native port. Our crew is in such a state of excitement now, all thoughts of South America lie far behind us as we crest the waves, homeward bound.
I go home with mixed feelings, the journey I set out upon was never completed, we failed to fulfil our contract with our Chilean associates, great damage was caused to our Mudskipper by the storm that took us off the coast of Brazil and ,worst of all, we lost young John Seddon to that cold dark ocean..
The other side of the coin is that we have made new contacts in the Argentine, we have a cargo of the finest raw cowhides and we should show great profit from this venture.
In two days time we should be safely berthed in Garstons new enclosed dock, I will be back in the bosom of my family and mayhap learn on what new ventures I will embark when my the time is due.
I have some small free time and will endeavour to record some more of the Brethrens history.
When our Brothers returned from Prague, our Brother who was of the Illuminati .made haste to see his Grand master to impart him the intelligence he had learned of the means of activating the Golem. His fellow travellers were ignorance of all that had passed in Bohemia and so the secret was safe within the Illuminatis breast. Many years would pass before we heard of the Golem and it stood peacefully below the stonework in our great cathedral..
As the Royal houses succeeded one another and the Stuarts occupied the throne of the twin kingdoms of England and Scotland, religious fervour started to sweep the country at large, we in Garston escaped the worst excesses of this fervour. The Brethren sought to accommodate the changes by a seeming acceptance of change yet remained steadfast to their creed. They were well versed in the art of lip service.
Their secrets were many , some arcane ,gleaned from ancient scriptures ,and some contemporary, learned from the latest thinkers of the day.
What was undeniable was our Society had discovered a secret so world shaking and terrible that it could not be divulged but to the innermost few.
As with most discoveries ,it was found when looking for something else.Our apothecaries were searching to enlarge upon their knowledge of the medicinal
properties of the Mud which they were now dredging from the shore near Hale. This was exceedingly different from that which was dredged from Oglet or Garston shore. Its texture and composition was much finer and it had a distinctive odour ,to the tongue it had a chalybeate taste.
Why should this be so different, whence did it emanate and what good was it?
It was not good for brick making ,it did not have immediate curative properties,it was benign in that there were no harmful effects and ,indeed it could be ingested without any discernable effects, good or ill.
As with all our empiricists ,their work took many decades to draw conclusions ,we had men enough to spare for such diversions and the full weight of our society was given without stint.
There was never a Eureka moment when the discovery was made manifest, instead the moment was kept quiet ,as quiet as the grave!
What our apothecaries had discovered was that regular ingestion of this mud was holding back the senescence that accompanies age. Whilst our empiricists were indulging their efforts in experimentation throughout the decades of testing ,it was noted that they had never aged a moment ,yet their Brethren in employ on other ventures aged as nature intended. Their cloistered seclusion prevented knowledge of this boon from entering the public domain and our Illuminate had another lever with which to exercise the control of their, so called ,rulers.
Crowned heads throughout Europe learned of this amazing elixir and craved some for themselves,Emirs and Caliphs begged and entreated to learn how they could acquire the prolongation of their mortal existence.
The secret was to remain secret within the vastness of our Societys? citadel.
In the main, life for the Mudmen went on as usual ,only the Illuminati were given this elixir , thus they could rule and govern our order blessed with the wisdom of their years without suffering the deleterious effects of aging.
In the meanwhile ,we had a new monarch on the throne ,James the first of England who was also the sixth king of that name in the twin kingdom of Scotland.
Now that we were a so called United Kingdom ,our Gracious majesty sought to expand his Kingdom in places where others had failed. The first and foremost of his intentions was to do that which all the preceding crowned heads of the English Kingdom had failed to do so far. The subjugation of Ireland.
Since the Pope had granted the English domain over Hibernia in the 12th century, and so extend the writ of the Holy Roman Empire to Erin, no English monarch had managed to go beyond the Pale,that narrow strip of land that stretched down from south of Ulster to the reaches of Wexford.
King James would take the lands in the North and dispossess the barefoot Princes ,thus sowing a crop of dragons teeth that would be reaped as a harvest of spears.
Liverpool was one of the places of embarkation for this great military expedition,wisely ,the Mudmen eschewed any part of this undertaking and the religious bitterness which ensued in the northern parts of our land missed visiting our little township. We were left unmolested to pursue our rise to being a major maritime port on a par with Bristol. The New World was beckoning and our Brethren were ready to exploit the opportunities that lay across the great Ocean.
How we fared will be revealed when I next have time to gasp my pen again , the sun is glinting off the spire of St Nicholas church and I must away to make ready for passage into safe harbour.
Did Paddy get in touch or did he meet his fate in some foriegn and hostile land far from home? Surely the lure of the sirens would not have detered him from the possibilty of obtaining eternal youth by dinking from the bottle had he heard? Or did he wile away lonely hours in a mud hut looking out at the ocean thinking of home and the gaity of oglet shore as the sunsets behind the welsh mud mounds of Snowdonia.?
Mr Brewer opened tentative negotiations with the contractors that the Presidente had arranged to see him. I was despatched to find our Captain, because without him the negotiations could come to naught.
As I searched, I found a trail of mayhem that he had left in his wake, music halls trashed and bars that would never do business again. The Marineros were hot on his tail and Don Lorenzo ,the keeper of the Calabozo was seeking him to have him as a prized inmate. Old Rocko Fairley told me that our Captain had a fearsome reputation in these parts, not for nothing was he known to the denizens of La Boca as El Alehouse.
Mr Fairley espied our Captains somnolent form laying on the steps of the Sailors Home ,he was attempting to go back to his roots mayhap. With assistance of some brawny capatazes ,we were able to smuggle our captains comatose body back on board. These capatazes were hard men, of Welsh.extraction ,they manned the sheep stations on the Patagonian Pampas ,but could talk the sailor talk as many were deserters from the sailing ships before settling with their southern kin. We may have need of their services if we lose any more of our crew.
11.05.1898
It took near twenty four hours to bring our Captain back to sobriety, many cups of rich black Brazilian coffee were poured down his throat before he was compos mentis enow to assimilate the information
As I sit here in my ruin of a hovel, writing my Memoirs in the light of a flickering candle, that is flickering due to the cold drafts whistling through my room, my arthritic fingers clutching my pen, I try to recollect some of my adventures that I experienced during my sea time as a Master Mariner on the Mud Boats out of Gerston those many years ago.
I recalled the voyage that Mr Twize Daley wrote in his journal, shewn above, about our stay in that den of iniquity and cesspit of a Port, Buenos Aires, on that hostile coast of Argentina whilst we discharged our valuable cargo of Gerston Mud.
I went ashore to meet the Agent, I was told he was in the street known as the Calle Vienti Cinco de Mayo, drinking in his favourite tavern, the Texas Bar.
On meeting him, we conducted our business, then he introduced me to a lovely young Senorita by the name of Cleopatra, She had just sung a song about the Love of a Senorita and her Gaucho Hombre. They were on the Pampas in the light of a full moon, singing a song of love and when she hit the high notes, it set off a stampede and they were both trampled to death by the hooves of a thousand Bovines. A very sad song sang with such passion that she had every one in the Texas Bar weeping into their drinks. There was not a dry eye in the house.
I had another drink with my new found Senorita, Cleopatra, then we danced. The band played a Tango, we were made for each other, our bodies swayed with the music and she was fantastico, as our bodies entwined it sent electric shocks through my body. Then we danced La Bomba, another incredible dance with her shaking all over me. I was in ecstasy. What a wonderful woman the Agent had fixed up for me.
She nibbled on my ear and asked me to escort her to her home. I was swooning with desire for her. We walked hand in hand down the Calle across the wide Avenida, past the Pink Palace and then down a small alley then up some steps and we were into her apartmento.
She poured me a drink of Anis and we sat on her sofa, we kissed passionately, ?Mia Querida? , I whispered in her shell like ear, ?Yo en mucho amor para usted en mia corazon mia querida? and then she said ?Come, passa en mia boudoir, mia querida?. I followed her into her boudoir and we slowly divested ourselves of our garments as she sang the song again about the Senorita and the Gaucho, She was beautiful with skin like alabasta and small breasts, as she removed her pantaloons, SHOCK, HORROR, she had a bigger wedding tackle than me. In a panic I ran out of her apartmento down the steps and around the corner by the Pink Palace. I was only wearing my under garments. The Marineros and the Vigilantes on guard by the Palace shouted `Halta, mucho loco Inglezi Marinero`. I ran past them and ran down the Avenida towards the La Boca, they were chasing me with their sabres drawn, but with my panic I soon outran them. I did not want to end up in Senor Don Lorenzo`s callabozo. In the far distance I could see the Sailors Home, or the Casa de Marineros. My lungs were bursting as I ran, I was gasping for breath as I reached the steps of the Casa Marinero. Then I collapsed half way up them and then it all went dark and I was unconscious.
I believe I was found by my old shipmate, Mr Fairley, who with some `capatazes` who assisted him, they carried me back on board. Pasa el barco.
I was in a state of severe shock from my experience the night before. I was shaking and trembling all over. The rest of the crew thought I was suffering from the dreaded delirium tremens due to a surfeit of Anis. But I can assure the reader that I was not.
My hands are trembling with the cold and there is a film of ice on the surface of my ink pot, so I will have to end my story here and try to get some warmth in them from the candle.
After 42 years of service with the Gerston Mud Company they didnt pay a pension at the end, I was used up and put ashore at the end of my useful service, while the members of the Illuminata lived a life of luxery.
I still curse that Oliver Cromwell for destroying my family Home at Aspin Hall two centuries ago, forcing us to live a life of a Seafarer instead of a Gentleman.
Adios mi amigos.
Captain Aspinale de Kong.
::)
"Mucho Bueno Capitano Aspinale de Kongo",- you tell it exactly as it was !!
Roberto de Fairley :002: :PDT_Aliboronz_24:
It must have been Harrowing for you Kong, those Argies can be tricky.
Can't quite make out the picture. Is it a tatoo on a private part of your anatomy. Could you post a picture of the enlarged version please?Quote:
Originally Posted by captain kong
:rolleyes:
Hi Kev,
It is a label on a bottle of Aspinall`s Cambrinous Craft Brewery, titled
James Stanley`s `REVENGE`. Brewed by my brother John, Master Brewer and also Master Mariner.
A special brew to commemerate the execution of James Stanley, the 7th Earl of Derby, 15 October 1651 outside the pub, `Ye Olde Man and Scythe` in Bolton. The pub was built in 1251 and modernised in 1636, it is still a thriving pub today, I am a frequent customer.
The label has the Coat of Arms of the Stanley family and shows the Scaffold and the execution by beheading of the said James Stanley. A memorial now stands on the site of the excution.
Click on the Thumb Nail it is easy to see.
also click on this one and see the "Ye Olde Man and Scythe" pub today
The plaque on the front shows the details of ye execution. Zoom in and you can read it.
Ahh, such a story kong, such command of the written word, such eloquence, etc. ( I shall use the same grovelling words at the end of Bryan D's great saga )
I felt a kinship when reading those final paragraphs, having, I believe, met the same 'Cleopatra' that you speak of in your narrative, though at the time she was working her passage ( ! ) as a bedroom steward on the Brasil Star. I too was decieved by those dark flashing latin eyes, and it was'nt until the journey home during a particularly drunken bout in the chief Engineers cabin three days out of Rio, that her true gender was revealed. I, like your good self, failed to take notice of little give away signs like her waxed and luxuriant Gaucho style moustache, and an Adams apple the size of a honeydew melon! they say love is blind, how true. Luckily, I made it back to the comparrative safety of my own cabin before things reached a state of high embarresment. Please understand, I was a callow youth, and still not much educated in the ways of the sea.
Please understand, I was a callow youth, and still not much educated in the ways of the sea.
That is NO excuse Jeff ,my excuse is that I was under the influence of the ANISE
cong, you are a cruel and insensitive man, could there be no leeway in that cold heart, I had a sheltered up bringing which kept me in great naivity up until the age of thirty one.
I hasten to add that I too was under the influence of the same vicious brew, at least you had great age on your side.
I had a sheltered up bringing which kept me in great naivity up until the age of thirty two.
and then it happened.
cong you were too fast, I was editing my post there, but I concede defeat, your's is the stronger pen.
I shall now retire to my corner of the cellar for a much needed rest.
The Pen is mightier than the sword.
What happened to the heir of Jeffery de Glasse, known as Jeffery de Glasse. was he a seafaring man sailing out of Sharpness?
'Tis true,
the heir apparrant, and last of the once great de Glass dynasty now moves as mysteriously as ever under the name Jeffrey Glasser. As you rightly surmised he was late of that lamented sea fareing university 'Vindicatrix' once berthed in that great sea port and gateway to the World, Sharpness, during the latter part of the year of our Lord, 1964.
Did you know 'sailors home' is back on air cong? I've just registered back on there. Do you wish that we should take over the afore mentioned site as before? Of course, not without Brian D.
Hi Folks ,sorry I have not been about this week,two Burns nights and a hell of workload has meant my time has been pretty well accounted for. As General Macarthur said "I shall return"
Meanwhile ,you can always leave a message on my blog, www.myspace.com-briandaley or call me on Skype.
Normal service will be resumed very soon ,only one more Burns night to go.
Now ,where were we..........aaah,yes.The Mudskipper is now alongside in Garstons new dock and............................................... ...
9
I have news that has shocked me. Upon return to my fathers offices when we had made fast the Mudskipper, he gave me notice of my dismissal as 3rd mate of the ship that had been my home these past months. I am to join a vessel that has been especially commissioned for the new South American beef trade. A steamship which will accomplish that which has been the dream of mariners since Magellans time ; to dispense with the vagaries of wind and weather to propel a ship across oceans. It is the Garstonia, a vessel of some 2000 tons nett ; powered by a triple expansion steam engine ,she will cut the journey time by half. She will be ready for service one month hence and I am to attend the School of Navigation in Grassendale to apprise myself of the different techniques of steam and sail.
I will apply myself with all diligence and also take opportunity to further my researches into the history of the Brotherhood.
Captain Aspinalls younger brother Julian has been given command of the Garstonia, an envied commission, Mr Brewer, will be his mate, our 2nd mate is a newcomer to the company , a Wilfred Liverbob, an unknown quantity, but he is reputed to be of good report. We will have the company of that new breed of seafarer,the Engineer, I have heard many tales of their eccentricities and have oft wondered if there is some truth to such stories. Steam can have addling effects upon the brain ,or so it is said .This vessel will also carry a totally new kind of human being , the sort that writers of lurid fictions have penned many tales; Electricians! The man who will do the devils work on this ship is a Mr Manderson, a Scotsman to boot , let us hope that he is not too in thrall to Satan upon our voyage.
The needs of the crew on this vessel promise to be well catered for ,my father informs me that the Garstonia has a galley that is capable of providing hot meals for the crew regardless of the weather conditions . The maestro in charges of our culinary needs is another Scot ,a Mr Kinghorn.
The Garstonia has the capacity to carry five passengers and has refrigerated hatches, which means that we can carry all manner of fresh produce as well as the beef from the Argentine.
And so I return to my journal of the history of the Brotherhood.
When King James the First of England (and sixth of Scotland ) gave sanction to the settlement of Colonies within the Americas , the Merchants of London financed a settlement to be founded in Virginia, this was after the disastrous settlement of Roanoake, a colony organised by the doomed Sir Walter Raleigh. Roanoake came to nought and no sight was ever found of the original settlers. Many tales abound about the fate of those poor benighted pioneers but no one knows what became of them.
The London settlement ,Jamestown ,however, was successful, the land was fruitful and limitless.
Our Grand Master was of the opinion that the Brethren should finance a settlement in the New World so that the Society should enjoy the riches that could be found therein.
After much discussion they embarked upon an expedition to settle the land to the south of Virginia. The Brethren would have no truck with the City and Guilds of London, they were not yet fully beholden to the Stuart King either.
A Portugese pilot was commissioned to undertake the navigation of this passage and it was estimated that, given the right winds , landfall would be made within the quarter year.
Three caravels were put under orders and were laden with all manner of provisions, lessons had been learned from the previous expeditions of the French and Hispanic attempts at colonisation.
Several notable families from the town made applications for the passage and our aldermen, under the guidance of the Brethren, made scrupulous audits of the said families to ensure that they would contribute to the general well being of the venture.
On the fifteenth of April sixteen hundred and seven , the Argosies set forth upon the Mersey, bound for the New World , fifteen families were numbered aboard those vessels, comprising fifty two souls. The crews would be returning with any prizes that might be found ,gold was rumoured to be underfoot but no credence was placed upon this sailors tale. Our intrepid pioneers were charged to make a township on the shores of this unknown coast, to find furs and timbers, to make a plantation and to bring forth the fruits of this new land to enrich the backers of this venture.
Their voyage to the New World was one that took great toll upon their number, mal de mer caused a half dozen children to die. The constant retching and the inability to take sustenance caused their little bodies to fade to naught. The constant tossing and turning of the vessels caused two souls to seek solace in the depths of the sea.
The overwhelming relief of the sight of land brought great joy to all aboard the fleet. On the twenty first of July landfall was made at the mouth of a river that later became called The Catawber ,after the name of the tribe that inhabited its banks..
White men were not unknown to the Catawbers, the Portugese had fished these waters for a century or more and had traded with the different tribes along the coast. It was here that they caught the cod ,or bacalhau as they termed it. They would dry it on the American shores and had good relations with these Red men.
As such , our Portugese seamen were able to give us some knowledge of our new neighbours. They had advised our masters of the trade goods we should take to make overtures to the tribes, metal goods we had in plenty. We did not wish to suffer the problems that had befallen previous expeditions.
So ,our prospects for good fortune augured well, the elders of the Catawber tribe welcomed us and made a great feast in celebration of our arrival ;many gifts were exchanged and we began our preparations for the creation of a New Garston with the coming of a new dawn.
As we went to our slumbers our children remarked upon how much bigger the sky seemed in this new land.
It will also be noted that due to his exemplary work as Tiger and saviour to that maritime rogue and sot, Captain Aspinall, young Glasser has been requested to sign on as Tiger to the young Captain Julian Aspinal, a devout follower of the Temperence beliefs.
Also in his favour is young Glasser's knowledge of steam engines, gathered whilst working ashore between ships, in the 'Wang Kong' Chinese laundry in old Lime House, one of the more seedy areas of old London town, an area where he oft had to go to retrieve the old Captain Aspinal when he would frequent the Opium dens that were to be found there.