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That's a bit like a trick we used to try,years ago! We would say to someone with a large short,"I bet you 10p I can drink that,without touching the glass", then proceed to knock it back,and say,"you win",and give him his 10p!(then make a quick exit!:unibrow:)Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeff Glasser
There's always an element of truth in everything wsteve55.
Here's another that made me chuckle. I hope I can get away with it on here.
Paddys in the pub tellin his mates about the army and his first parachute jump, paddy describes 'we were about 20,000ft up, then 1 by 1 they started to jump,when it was my turn I couldn't jump -no way! Then this huge black guy pulled out his 12 inch knob and cried out 'paddy if you dont feckin jump I'll stick this baby right up your ass. Paddys mate asked 'well did you jump? Paddy replies 'just a bit when it first went in.
Jeff
Maybe the site is trying to tell you something kong!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by captain kong
I think Gleff Jasse is behind it, he still has`nt learned his lesson.
One Day..........................zap
Three guys braggin about who's got the biggest you know what.
1.guy get his out and slaps it on the table,10"
2.guy get his out and slaps it on the table 12"
3.guy says c'mon and takes em in his car down to the tower restraunt,they get the lift up and 3rd guy opens the window and says to the other two...turn around a minute..they turn around and he drops his trousers and lobs it out the window...ok you can turn around now...they both turn around an watch him bobbing up and down....first guy says,,,what are you doing...3rd guy says...I'm dodging the traffic.
A mother superior of a convent was phoning up to have the office window measured for new blinds and arranged for the fitter to come out and do his work.
two nuns were set the task of painting the hallway to the convent,they were about to start when the mother superior entered the hallway and spoke to the nuns..."I have to go and see the local reverand so if your hear a knock answer the door it will be the blind fitter and nobody else will be calling whilst I'm away".
MS trundles on her way and the nuns are about to start painting but realise it such a large job and the chances are they might get paint on their attire,so they decide to strip naked and paint.
10 minutes into the painting and a knock on the door has them in a fluster "what shall we do says one of the nuns" and the other nun says..."its ok it'll be the blind fitter",the nuns open the door and the fitter is totally shocked! hello he blurts out I've come to measure and fit your blinds.
Paddy and Mick are walking down the road,Paddy see's a shiny flat round object on the pavement and stoops down to pick it up.
See's a clasp on the center and pops it open and was confronted with a picture of a bloke..paddy starts scratchin his head and murmers "I'm sure I know that bloke from somewhere? Mick sidles up to Paddy and ask him "what ya got there my moit" its a womans compact with a pic of some guy I definatly know but just cannot place where I've seen him before says Paddy.
Give it here says Mick and he has a look...looks at Paddy and blurts..."Its me ya daft sod".
R.I.P. BOB...........
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A set of jump leads walk into a bar.
The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says:
'A beer please, and one for the road.'
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
'Does this taste funny to you ?'
7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'
'Is it common ?'
'Well, It's Not Unusual.'
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'
'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.
'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs !'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms !'
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes ?
A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam !'
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so they lit a fire in the craft.
It sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.
'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.'
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, 'They're twins ! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) .....
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20 And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Kopng..... kindly leave the stage!!!!!!
KOPNG???@??
Que???
MORNING SEX
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs
and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally
slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've
got to make love to me this very moment!'
My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is
going to be my lucky day!'
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my
all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards, she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt
still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.
Good one Kevin:handclap::handclap:
Yes - and I've no intention of getting that timer fixed.Quote:
Originally Posted by captain kong
;-)
Is sex work?
A U.S. Navy captain was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the captain
decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he
failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it
was "pleasure?"
A commander chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.
A lieutenant said it was 50-50%.
An ensign responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his
state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the captain turned to the seaman who was in charge
of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young seaman responded, "Sir, it has to be 100%
pleasure."
The captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me
doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
God Bless the Navy sailor.
another good one Kevin:handclap::handclap: