What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
We jumped in the car and went as fast as we could to Lesley's, my heart was beating in my throat, so much so I felt I couldn't catch my breath. I was in denial and thought that maybe it was all a big mistake and Lesley would be standing there flashing her usual big smile.
As we turned into her road, there were two police cars and an ambulance, a constable was standing outside. I ran to go in and he stopped me, "I'm sorry but you can't go in" " but I'am her mum" the forensic team were still working. What and why? because it was a sudden death, they need to find out what happened.
The thought of being so near to her yet so far was soul destroying.
A neighbour had taken the kiddies in and they were in a terrible state. Lee's mum took the little ones to her house, I went home waiting for the police to contact me.
Everything was a daze, I couldn't understand, why was this happening to me, I cried and cried.
I was so taken up with my grief, until I went upstairs and found Tommy crying unashamedly, we hung on to each other. Thank God we had each other and our girls.
The post mortem showed Lesley had had a virus and toxins in her body started to attack her vital organs. I was consumed with quilt, I should of made her come to the hospital with me that night.
The funeral directors phoned to say Lesley was in their care, could I bring her clothes so they could dress her. I took my best dress, the one that she always liked.
My middle daughter drove me to drop the clothes off, when the lady took the clothes she asked if I was
wanting to see my Lesley, it may sound strange but I was afraid of seeing her, until then it wasn't final.
I took a deep breath and was led into a little room, there she was just sleeping her long hair falling around her beautiful face.
The lady took Lesley's hand from beneath the sheet and gave me it, I talked to her, you stubborn *****,
why didn't you let me look after you.
My youngest daughter was having to go for fertility treatment, her and her husband had been trying for ages, but a couple of day's after Lesley passed, she found out she was pregnant.
At the funeral, I was surprised to find the church was full and it was standing room only.
When we bought the plot for her the only thing that made me feel better was the fact that Tommy and me will be in the plot next door, she is not getting rid of me that easy.
That was May 2006 she was Thirty Eight.
I think of her everyday, her children are doing very well. Austin is twenty two next month, Lois is sixteen and Julian thirteen.
What kept me sane was that little boy born just when we needed him, he now has a little sister.
Our Middle daughter is getting married on Tommy's birthday 24th September, in 10 days time and we are being kept busy helping with all the arrangements.
Anyone who has lost a loved one will know that you never forget them, but just learn to live with it
We have some good days and then from nowhere it could be a song or smell and the memories come flooding back.
My thanks to all for reading my story.
By the way Tommy and myself will be forty years married next year, not bad considering they said it wouldn't last.
Take good care Les, and thanks for sharing such personal aspects of your life with us all....all the best of luck for the future, im sure the good times will outnumber the bad....God Bless !
Lesley, thank you for sharing your story,you have had your share of sadness and hard times so I pray that the rest of your life is full of sunshine and laughter, god bless you and Tommy.
It takes courage to share such personal details with us all, I know what you're going through and I know it's far from easy to come to terms with the madness of it all. I'm at an early stage of it all, I have turned from someone who was not an emotional person to an emotional wreck, you're right, you just have to learn to live with it, I believe only time will. in some small way, heal the pain.
Thanks for posting your story, I hope it helps you in some small way. Enjoy the wedding, I'm sure it will be a fine day for you all, even with the moments you may have.
I understand how you feel, I found that bit by bit the pain eases, instead of crying when you remember your loved one, you can smile at all the good times you spent together.
Small steps... Best Wishes to You.
'While you're waiting for the storm to pass learn to dance in the rain'
Lesley thanks for sharing your story, you are very brave and have known much sorrow but I am so glad that you have your Tommy and family to care and love you. xx
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