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Thread: Bobs' Funnies,for the jokes both old and new

  1. #241
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    I start my job at a restaurant tomorrow.



    I can't wait

  2. #242
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    I organised a threesome last night...

    There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time.

  3. #243
    Senior Member kevin's Avatar
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  4. #244
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kevin View Post
    Like my wedding...


    Nice one Kevin.

  5. #245
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    Miming words to a deaf person until they crank the hearing aid up to the max, then blasting an air horn at them is a brilliant cure for constipation., It's quite funny as well.

  6. #246
    Senior Member GNASHER's Avatar
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    I went out last night dressed to kill,beard,sandals,turban and a back pack.

  7. #247
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    "Hello, is this the police?"
    "Yes. Whats the problem?"
    "I'm calling to report about my neighbour Dan!
    He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
    "thankyou for your call sir, we'll be there right away"
    The police invade Dan's house and chop all of his firewood but find no marijuana.

    An hour later Dan gets a phone call...
    "Hey, Dan! Did the police come?"
    "Yeah!"
    "Did they chop all your firewood?"
    "Yep!"
    "Happy Birthday, Buddy"

  8. #248
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    I find it strange that Peter Crouch has been chosen to promote Pringles.

    Is he really that popular or is it just because the picture of him fits so well on the tin?

  9. #249
    Senior Member Jill's Avatar
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    Very funny Pabs. Really cheered me up.

  10. #250
    Senior Member suzi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jill View Post
    Very funny Pabs. Really cheered me up.
    Me too Jill. Still laughing my head off

  11. #251
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    I can't believe the type of people who go on the Jeremy Kyle show.

    It's like someone has bombed Netto.

  12. #252

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    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?' Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

    I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

    Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

    So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he
    hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him and he finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.

    The little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.. With that he gives up and goes back to bed.

    The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '

    The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all
    about.'

    The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh1t.'
    Last edited by baloffski; 05-06-2010 at 12:40 PM. Reason: Spelling not to Scale

  13. #253
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    Ha, nice one.

  14. #254
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    A woman goes to her doctor. i have three pussys she says. this cant be the doctor replies so he makes her take off her pants. shocked by what he saw the woman actually had three pussys.. ive never seen anything like this he says.. there it was a pussy on the right, one in the middle and one on the left.. there isnt much i can do he says but there is one thing.. he gets two strips of black tape.. puts one on the left pussy and one on the right.. whats that guna do she asks.. not much he says but for the moment it will stop you getting screwed left right and centre..

  15. #255
    Pablo42 pablo42's Avatar
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    Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
    "He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
    "Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
    "They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
    Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.
    Kind of makes me immortal.

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