As the two friends wondered through the snow on the way home,
Piglet grinned to himself, thinking how lucky he was to have a best friend like Pooh.
Pooh thought to himself.
' If this pig sneezes i'm going to kill him'
As the two friends wondered through the snow on the way home,
Piglet grinned to himself, thinking how lucky he was to have a best friend like Pooh.
Pooh thought to himself.
' If this pig sneezes i'm going to kill him'
Don't dream it ... be it !
"Irish Dictionary"
IRISH MEDICAL DICTIONARY
Artery......................... The study of paintings.
Bacteria....................... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.......................... What doctors do when patients die.
Benign........................ What you be, after you be eight.
Caesarean Section........A neighbourhood in Rome ..
Catscan......................... Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize....................... Made eye contact with her.
Colic........................... A sheep dog.
Coma........................... A punctuation mark.
Dilate......................... To live long.
Enema........................... Not a friend.
Fester.......................... Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................... A small lie.
Impotent....................... Distinguished, well known.
Labour Pain.....................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff..................... A Doctor's cane.
Morbid........................... A higher offer.
Nitrates....................... Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................... I knew it.
Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted.
Pelvis......................... Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative................. A letter carrier.
Recovery Room................Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................... Nearly killed him.
Secretion...................... Hiding something.
Seizure........................ Roman emperor.
Tablet........................... A small table.
Terminal Illness............... Getting sick at the airport.
Tumour..........................One plus one more.
Urine.......................... Opposite of you're out.
Bob F
I was told not to buy a Ricky Hatton toaster,
I said why,
`Because it cant do two rounds`.
"Viagara"
'Viagra' now available in powder form for your tea.
It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft. !!!!!
Bob F
"Children in Church"
An oldie, but still good for a few smiles !!
====================================
KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese :
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied,
'Because people are sleeping.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob F
"Men"
Here's one for the ladies.
Pampurred
15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MUM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC.
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
14. Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
Bob F
"Knickers"
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless knickers in an attempt to spice
up her dead sex-life.
She puts them on, together with a very short skirt and sits on the sofa
opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she crosses and un-crosses her legs ... enough times
till her husband says...
"Are you wearing crotchless knickers?"
"Why yes," she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank God for that", he says... "I thought the stuffing was coming out of
the couch".
Bob F
Good ones again Bob.
Photos of BOB`S visit to the Eldonian club are on the Gallery
FAREWELL TO BOB FAIRLEY
Today I recieved the very sad news of our old friend and shipmate Bob Fairley, He has passed over the Bar. I recieved the sad news from Malcom on Vancouver Island.
Bob Fairlie has crossed the bar. His daughter informed me of his passing, on Thursday. Bob was a veteran of the Second World War, and a man who
was proud of his participation in those exciting days, particularly serving on
the Murmansk run. Bob left the sea in the early fifties, married and emigrated to Canada, where he and his wife raised a family. He was also a member of the Canadian Merchant Seamans Assoociation, and it was when he came to Victoria to attend their general meeting that I got to meet him, having got to know him on the old Sailors Home site. Captain Kong and Ernie Higham recently hosted him at the Eldonian - see photos on the ships gallery thread,
and Ron Manderson did the same last year when Bob visited Merseyside.
So, those of us lucky enough to have enjoyed his company, however briefly,
can look back on it with a smile, as Bob had an a dry sense of humour that
really cracked you up.
So, let us all raise a glass to a fine man. Cheers Bob.
Ernie and I met up with Bob just over two weeks ago in the Eldonian Club and I posted his photos on the Gallery, It was a great pleasure to have met him, he always had a good sence of humour and kept us entertained with his jokes, sadly no more. It was a great shock to hear the news.
Bob served on the Russian Convoys during World War 2.
All the best Bob on your new venture. Cheers.
Bob
R.I.P Bob, condolences to his family. I shall miss his jokes and stories.
Alec.
I did'nt know Bob, but I liked his sense of humour,
R.I.P. Bob.
Jeff.
Here's one i think he'd like....
This guy walks into a bar and orders a treble Chivas Regal;
"There you are sir!" says the barman, pouring the drink for him.
Matey takes it all down in one gulp and says "Phew! That's better; mind you, I shouldn't be drinking this, not with what I've got."
"Oh? What have you got then?" asks the barman.
"20p
Welcome back Jeff,good to see you here,keep up the jokes they are needed more than ever now old Bobs crossed the bar ,
BrianD
Hi its me again.
I find it very difficult to get onto Yo-
It takes twenty minutes to get a page up and to answere it takes another twenty minutes and so to write an article takes me an hour or so. Is anyone else having this problem?? it started about three weeks ago. I have no problem with any other sites, they come on Instantly at the click of a button.
My computer is excellent, no problems there, had it checked by an expert, the only problem is access to YO-.
Help or suggestions please.
Cheers
BRIAN
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