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Thread: Bobs' Funnies,for the jokes both old and new

  1. #391
    Senior Member Jenny's Avatar
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    Signs of getting old Pabs....

  2. #392
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    Signs of getting old Pabs....
    Tell me about it. When I look at pornos now, I look at the decorations...

  3. #393
    Senior Member Jenny's Avatar
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    I have noticed...

  4. #394
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    I have noticed...
    Ha, I shall have to change me DVDs...

  5. #395
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    I went to the magic circle to apply to train as a magician and they gave me a form to fill in,
    I gave up after a few minutes, it was full of trick questions...

  6. #396
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    Israel: Bringing machine guns to knife fights since 1948.

  7. #397
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    My teacher asked me to draw a square with my eyes closed, but I made a hash of it.

  8. #398
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    It's easy to be wise. Just think of something stupid and then don't say it.

  9. #399
    Senior Member Samsette's Avatar
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    Way to go, Pablo. Merchant seamen are mainly insensitive baskets, so no warries about hurting anybodies feelings on this thread.

    Just joking, Cap'n.

  10. #400
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    Ha, thanks Samsette. Odd, how being funny can upset people.


    Has to done though...

  11. #401
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    I swallowed a Chess piece the other day, if you don't believe me you can Check Mate.

  12. #402
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    It's amazing how long people can hold a grudge for. I had my school reunion last night.

    Most of them still haven't forgiven me for the gun massacre.

  13. #403
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    A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
    He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
    The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
    "No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."
    The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"!
    Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
    The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
    "Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers...."
    The woman giggles and replies," Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!"
    Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."

  14. #404
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    A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.The man then replies:Yeah, well we were married 35 years.

  15. #405
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    I went to the book shop earlier to buy a 'Where's Wally' book. When I got there, I couldn't find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.

  16. #406
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    What are 3 words you never wanna hear while having sex ? Honey, I'm home!

  17. #407
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    When I'm hungover I always fancy something fatty.

    Mmmmmmm Vanessa Feltz

  18. #408
    Senior Member Jenny's Avatar
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    Keep them coming Pabs... there great

  19. #409
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    Keep them coming Pabs... there great
    I knew you'd like them.

  20. #410
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    I was in the pub the other day telling that old joke about "What do you do if you see an epileptic have a fit in the bath? Throw in your washing!" We were all having a good laugh about this when someone tapped me on the shoulder and said "Excuse me mate but I dont find that funny. My brother was epileptic and he died in the bath during a fit." I said "Im ever so sorry mate, did he drown?" "No" he said "he choked on a sock"

  21. #411
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    I got visit from the RSPCA today.

    Turns out Cash for Gold don't take fish.

  22. #412
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    There was a man that threw some salad at me... Tosser.

  23. #413
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    It was the middle of the night in the balloon household and everyone was asleep, except baby ballon who had had a nightmare. He went throught to his parents room and tried to squeeze inbetween mummy balloon and daddy balloon but he just could'nt quite fit, so he went to his mum's knot and let out a bit of air, but he still could'nt fit so he went to his dad's and let out some air but still he couldnt fit, finally he undid his own knot and let out some air, finally he could fit in. In the morning when they all woke up the mummy and daddy ballon where furious! they yelled at baby ballon ''not only have you let your me and your mum down youve also let yourself down''.

  24. #414
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    In the world of metal detecting, my uncle's at the top of his field.......all alone......the sad sod.

  25. #415
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    I've just joined my local Tug Of War team...

    I'm not very good yet, but they're only showing me the ropes

  26. #416
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    I have to stop biting my nails.. I'm running out of things to hang my pictures with.

  27. #417
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    I don't have OCD.

    I've read 13,253 books on it, so I'd know if I did.


    ADVERTISING



  28. #418
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    I saved up my Sun newspaper tokens for the cheap England shirt, it came today and when I checked the size it said;

    XXX Thick

  29. #419
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    I got my hair cut yesterday, and at first i really didn't like it..

    But it's growing on me.

  30. #420
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    His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
    'Why?' asked the pilot.
    'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to get some close up shots.'
    The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . you're NOT my flight instructor?

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